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…but sometimes I sleep

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When the alarm went off at 4:15AM this morning I rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom to change in the dark.  2 days of predawn running and my body had already fallen back into the routine.

I wasn’t awake yet really.

My eyes were half-closed, my consciousness stuck somewhere in a fog.  As I slipped into my shorts, somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered why I hadn’t snapped to alert yet.  Usually by the time I’m walking out the bathroom and heading downstairs for some pre-run coffee, I am wide awake.

And then it hit me.  Last night was the third or fourth night in a row of getting just under 4 hours of sleep.

I like getting 6 hours of sleep a night.  In reality, I usually get 5 hours a night, which seems to work just fine.  But 4 hours a night?  Maybe for a couple of days, maybe even 3 nights a week, but not coming off of a vacation where I had gotten used to sleeping over 8 hour a night.

Sleep is an important part of any athlete’s regimen.  It is when our bodies heal and strengthen themselves.  It’s when we do most of our recovering, when our brains sort out the events and workouts of the day.  Without it, our bodies (and minds) would eventually break down.

And so, at that moment, I turned around, changed back into my sleeping attire, and caught another 75 minutes of sleep.

Fortunately, today was a scheduled off day anyway.

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Why do you run?

I Train While You Sleep

'Nuff Said

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So after taking a week off from running, the alarm went off at 4:30AM this morning, telling me it was time to run again.  Time to dust off the shoes, slip on the shorts, put in some miles.

Honestly, I’ve had to force myself NOT to run since Boston.  It hasn’t been easy, but I think my body (and my mind and spirit for that matter) needed the time off.

Still, when the alarm went off this morning, a part of me just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.  I had gotten used to not waking up so early just to pound out some miles.  As I’ve said many times, I am NOT a morning person.  I really am not.

But then I thought of a picture I saw (above) on someone’s dailymile page.   That was me, all winter.  Waking up between 4AM and 4:30AM, running between 5 to 20 miles.  And as much as I am not a morning person, I loved the feeling I would have for the rest of the day when I’d managed to drench myself in sweat before most people were waking up.

Now that school vacation is over, the days are going to get busy again – which made me think of this:

If I’m going to be good, I have to work around the busy-ness.

And it’s not about the competition with others…it’s about the competition within.

It’s about the desire to do better, last longer, run faster.

I leave you with a quote from a comment my friend M left me:

DISAPPOINTMENT IS THE HIGH WATER MARK OF EXPECTATION.

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Why do you run?

Next?

Where will these shoes be running next?

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So…

Now what?

What’s next?

Damned good question.

Boston 2011 has come and gone.

A 3:10 Boston Marathon would have made it easy – the Vermont 50 in September followed by running the New York City Marathon with Autism Speaks in November with some shorter races between now and then.

But I think I have some re-evaluating to do over the next couple of months.  By late-May/early-June I need to make a decision of WHAT is it I am training for.  I have to decide what is more important to me this year – Is it scratching a 50-miler off the bucket list or is it taking one step closer to a sub-3:00 marathon? Can I do both?

A couple of things to consider:

  • The fall marathons I would be considering (a return to Smutty, maybe Bay State) don’t happen until AFTER registration for Boston 2012.  This means that my chances of getting into 2012 would still be based on my 3:19:19 from Smuttynose 2010.  Based on that performance, I will not be allowed to register until the 2nd week AND will have to hope that my 1:40 buffer is fast enough to squeak in.  The likelihood of there still being spots available for me will be pretty slim.  So, does it even make sense to attempt a 3:10 – 3:15 marathon in October.  To add insult to injury, even if I do manage a sub-3:15 but not a sub-3:10, I will be back in the same boat as I am now because of the lower time standards for Boston 2013.
  • If I run New York this year with Autism Speaks again, I will definitely approach it as a fun run.  I would probably still try to improve on last year’s time, but my approach would be completely different, with my first half being a lot more relaxed.  That being said, my New York Marathon strategy should not be hindered by a 50-mile trek in September.
  • I AM considering a small marathon at the end of July.  The 24-Hour Around the Lake Race has a BQ-Certified marathon built into it.  The marathon is 8 laps around Lake Quannapowitt in Wakefield, MA.  That’s pretty monotonous, but it’s also flat, like the elevation varies between 25 and 32 feet above sea level flat.  One other quirk is that it is run at 7PM at night.  That would be interesting and I think that as long as I didn’t get greedy, I could actually make a decent run at a sub-3:15 – that is, as long as the temperatures aren’t too crazy at 7 o’clock at night in late July.  A sub-3:15 here would put me in on the 5th day of Boston registration where I think I would have a better than 50-50 shot of getting in.  In addition, the pull of an early fall marathon taking me away from the Vermont 50 would disappear.

So…

Decision, decisions.

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Boston 2011 – Lemonade

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As I bolted out of the porta-potty, I thought, this is it! this is the moment! THIS is where all of the training kicks in!!! I looked up at the first of the Newton Hills almost with a smile.

You. Are. Mine. I thought.

I had been running along at a decent clip, averaging in the low 7 minute per mile range for 17 miles. My only trouble had been the urge to pee since before the start. I finally gave in to using a porta-potty when I saw one at the bottom of the first Newton Hill. I figured that this was just another star aligning to get me to my 3:10. I would have 20 – 40 seconds to relieve myself while simultaneously recovering for 20 – 40 seconds before tackling the hardest part of the course. Perfect!

So this was it! All I had to do was get through the next 2.5 miles and I would be cruising home-free on the other side of Heartbreak Hill.

I kicked it into overdrive. This was going to be cake…maybe not a tasty cake, but cake nonetheless. I had run these hills dozens of times. Not only had I run them often, I had run them late in long runs (17 miles late to be exact!). My plan was to attack the hills with speed and relax on the back sides. It had worked every time in training. EVERY TIME!

As I hit the base of the hill I shortened my stride and quickened my cadence.

Oh yeah! Showtime!

I got three, maybe five steps in, and then it happened.

I don’t know what asthma feels like. I don’t have it. I have never had a problem with it. But three, maybe five steps up that first Newton Hill, after running like the wind, after looking up at Newton “knowing” this was going to be my day, after having run those hills countless times, my lungs simply said “no”. This is what I have always imagined asthma feels like.

For the life of me, I couldn’t inhale. Whether you’re a car or a plane or a pair of legs, if you can’t take in oxygen, there IS no combustion. Every time I tried to take a breath, my airway felt blocked. I could force enough in to make an awful sound, but that was it.

No, my lungs said, We are not going to cooperate with you in this insane business you call marathon running. No, we will not assist you in achieving you goal. No, we will not let you run fast. We are done breathing.

And that was it. In one moment my day went from spectacular to miserable in the flick of a switch. My legs had felt good. My will was strong. My desire was burning. But my airways constricted and all hopes of a 3:10 or a 3:15 or even a PR (currently a 3:19:19) went out the window.

My bolt out of the porta-potty turned into a walk. A walk? Really? I mean REALLY!?! I was walking up this hill?

Every hundred yards or so I would try to start running again. At first I would start slowly and then try to build up speed. Every time I would get to what I perceived to be about an 8:00 to 8:30 per mile pace, my lungs would collapse on me again and I would be left simply trying to inhale, struggling to do what we all take for granted. I would make a sickening weeze for about 30 – 40 second as I staggered along before my breathing would become normal again. I’m surprised that I did get picked up by medical. Maybe I’m just lucky that they didn’t spot me at my worst.

For the next mile I kept thinking that it would pass. If I could just get through the next 5 minutes or so, maybe everything will reset! It didn’t pass. I struggled to 18 or 19 where I saw the medical tent. I staggered towards it. I sighed.

DNF (Did Not Finish)? Am I going to have to fucking DNF?

As I raised my foot to take another step toward medical, I thought of my little Brooke. No, I wasn’t running this race for Autism Speaks or any autism charity for that matter, but Brooke and kids like her are a source of strength for me.

My foot wavered.

Then I thought of my older daughter, Katie. I had made a promise to her when I put her, Brooke and Jess on a plane the Friday before the marathon. They were going away to Florida ahead of me and I was going to join them Monday night after the marathon. I had promised Katie that I would wear my 2011 Boston Marathon Medal on the plane and would have it around my neck when I woke her up with a kiss when I got to our hotel. How could I break that promise? If I checked into medical, there would be no medal. In addition, I wouldn’t be able to wear the commemorative jacket I had bought days earlier.

And so, I stumbled back on to the course, weezing, trying to catch my breath.

I was scared.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to quit – I wanted to quit more than I have ever wanted to quit in a marathon.

I wanted to scream and yell.

But I trudged on.

This was going to be the dreaded “Death March”.

By the time I reached mile 20, I was in a pretty dark place, and I still had Heartbreak Hill ahead of me. My lungs continued to rebel and now my feet were beginning to hurt. And that’s when I saw my dear friend Alett. She spotted me and began to cheer. I shook my head. As I staggered over to her, she said some words of encouragement, but I told her, today was not going to be my day. The running gods had given me a lemon of a marathon.

It was at that moment though when my whole attitude changed. After 2+ miles of grumbling and wallowing in self-pity, I realized that I had a choice. I could do the death march thing to the end of the race OR I could embrace what had been given me and take advantage of the fact that I still had many friends on the course waiting to see me and cheer me on. I could stumble by them in misery or take this opportunity to celebrate that I was running Boston this year and a god-damned qualifier!!!

I decided to go with the latter and started snapping pictures with every friend I could find. Click —>HERE<— to see the pics I took over the last 6 miles.

As painful as it was to keep going, and despite having bursts where I tried to finish strong only to be slapped down again by my lungs, it was a joy spotting friends and taking a minute or two to yuk it up. My only disappointment in those last few miles was that I was unable to spot a couple of friends I knew were out there and that I was unable to keep up with my friend Ty who came up behind me with less than a mile to go and tried to pull me along (I tried Ty!) – Nic, Deb, Amelia, Hadar, Yigal, Ramana, TK and Mary, despite missing you, it helped knowing you were out there!

Looking back on my splits, I’m pretty psyched I was able to stop and chat, take pictures AND keep those last miles in the 8:45 – 11:15 range.

***
So I guess the question becomes, what happened? More specifically, what caused my lungs to go asthmatic on me? I don’t know. I’ll have to do some research on that one. Maybe I was taking in too much fluid? I had been training on about 10 – 15 oz. of Gatorade per 20 miles all winter and I’m pretty sure I drank much more than that over the course of the first 17 miles. Maybe I just sucked down some liquid down the wrong pipe? I don’t know. All I know is Monday, April 18th wasn’t my day. Maybe, if I can get in, April 17th will be.

***

There are a lot of titles that went through my mind as I contemplated writing this race report:

Opportunity Lost or Falling Short (it was all there), Breathless (for obvious reasons), Karma (was there a debt to be paid for leaving a man behind at Smuttynose?), Hubris or Foolish or Greedy (was 3:10 a realistic goal? should I have been content with gunning for 3:15? would I have lost my lungs had I been running 7:24’s?)

It was, to say the least, a rough day. A day of disappointment. A day where my goal of a 3:10 marathon seemed well within my grasp. A day where I watched that goal simply disappear with a single breath.

It didn’t start out that way. In fact, when I woke up on Monday morning, I felt great. I mean, I REALLY felt great. My training had been pretty much without incident. My times had been spot on. I was ready. The weather looked like it was going to cooperate too – 50° – 60°. We were even going to have a tailwind. In addition, RaceMenu chief Alain found me right before the start and said that he was shooting for a 3:10 just like me – I thought “perfect! Someone to run with, just like Smuttynose!”

Yes, everything was lining up for an A+ effort on Monday. 3:10 was a real possibility, with a 3:15 all but in the bag! Though my morning was a bundle of nervous energy, I did manage to stay relatively relaxed on the surface. I found my dailymile friends in the Athletes’ Village, and the group of us kept each other loose with small talk and funny stories.

I was so sure that I could feel the natural speed of this group. We were almost all qualifiers, and those that were charity runners were gunning for PR’s.

Speed was in the air.

Some days you have it. Some days you don’t. Some days, like last Monday, you have it and then you lose it. I’m just glad I had the where with all to make lemonade out of lemons. And have no doubt, YOU were the sugar that made the lemonade so sweet!

The turn on to Hereford (2nd to last turn) - trying to keep it light

the turn on to Boylston - the finish line is only a few hundred meters away

Stopping to chat with 150 meters to go...

...and snap a picture! -courtesy of CAUTION:Redhead Running

less than 100 meters to go

All done - 3:37:00 - my worst finish other than Manchester. Aside from my BQ, quite possibly my most enjoyable final 6.2 miles.

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Why do you run?

Disappointment

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So as I sit here struggling to write my race recap of this year’s Boston Marathon, there is one word that keeps popping into my head.

That word is disappointment.

Now, before any of you start to feel sorry for me, let me clarify one thing – Disappointment is NOT a dirty word. Disappointment does NOT need to be a word of sadness. Disappointment does NOT need to elicit comforting words.

No, in this case, disappointment can be a word of hope, a word of dedication, a word of renewed inspiration.

If I were not disappointed in my performance this past Monday, I would have to question every run, every drill, every drop of sweat spilled since the middle of last December. My disappointment legitimizes the hard work. My disappointment gives my 4AM runs meaning.

…and because of my disappointment, I will go back to the drawing board, come up with a plan, and run another 26.2 – once again with the goal of running faster than I’ve ever run over that fantastic distance we call a marathon.

“Use this experience to sharpen the steel for the next one.”
-my friend Brendan M.

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Why do you run?

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com%5D So this one is going to take some processing time for me to fully wrap my brain around what happened to me. Suffice it to say, at 3:37, I did not achieve my ultimate goal of 3:10 or even beat my New York City Marathon time of 3:26. I thought I was ready. I thought I had at least 3:15 in the bag. But you know what? Shit happens. And sometimes you just have to roll downhill with it. There will be a much more detailed race report to follow at some point soon, but right now I’m not exactly sure what happened. What I can tell you is that by mile 20 I knew I was cooked at had no shot at 3:10 or 3:15 so I changed my goal altogether and decided to take some pictures with people I knew. What follows are a few pictures from before the race and then some from mile 20 on (when I ran into my friend Alett, her husband and the Hash House Harriers – after snapping that shot, I took up their offer for a shot of beer – as I said in this morning’s post, “you never know when your next shot could be your last” – I just didn’t realize at the time that I was talking about beer).

Also ran into another dailymile pal - Miss Maddy

Two dailymile all-stars: Mr. Cayman Islands Steve S & Andy O

Found my college buddy Mike, who I hope did not battle the Cat in the Hat again.

Think theyre cold maybe?

ran into Twitter pals @Speedysasquatch and @NYCe

Racemenu Chief thought he was crazy wearing the orange jumpsuit until we ran into this guy

At mile 20, with Alett, Hugh and someone remind me her name! My brain isnt working right now.

ran into my sponsor, Kathleen from mix1 near the top of Heartbreak Hill

Family friend Janice and her two girls Sidney and Jenny were there to pick me up at mile 24

Where I also ran into my good friend Bobbys daughter, Brit.

...and my friend Karen.

on the final stretch I ran into some of my favorite Twitterers and running bloggers

As I was heading for the finish line, my new blogger/twitter/dailymile friend Katie took this one! It may be my favorite!

through the shoot, I ran into Maddy again (she ran a 3:15 - rock star) and dailymile bud Blaise (who ran a 3:12 - A PR).

And that’s it. I’m cooked. I’m having a beer. When this all settles in my head, I’ll put together a real race report. Bookmark and Share Why do you run?

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Another shot from the homestretch
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My college friend Erica, who was there to lift me up as I came out from under Mass Ave.

It’s Time

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs,
but he keeps on forgettin what he wrote down,
the whole crowd goes so loud

He opens his mouth, but the words won’t come out
He’s choking how, everybody’s joking now
The clock’s run out, time’s up over, bl-OW!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that
Easy, no
He won’t have it , he knows his whole back’s to these ropes
It don’t matter, he’s dope
He knows that, but he’s broke
He’s so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that’s when it’s
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo!

-Eminem (Lose Yourself)

***   ***   ***

You never know when your next shot will be your last.

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Why do you run?

796.45 Miles

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So this is it. The training aspect of my 2011 Boston Marathon is done.

This morning I ran an easy 4-miler. All that is left is 48 hours of rest and the 26.2 miles on Marathon Monday.

What will happen?

How will I do?

I don’t know.

It’s weird to think that the nearly 800 miles I have put in since mid-December all come down to one little stretch of road, taking me from Hopkinton to downtown Boston.

If you are running on Monday, may you run the race that you want to run.

Whatever the result, I will see you on the other side.

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Why do you run?

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And when I say “Beginner” I also mean me!  I’ve only been running for two and a half years and been doing this marathon thing for about a year and a half, so I’m right there with you!

Anyway, with Marathon Weekend here and thousands of runners descending on Boston this weekend, I thought I’d put together a short list that I wish someone had handed me the first time I did a big city marathon.

  1. Go to the Expo – yes, everybody there is trying to sell you something, however, the expos are very often the place where you can see some of the cutting edge technology related to running before it’s available at your local running shop.  If you don’t live in a runner-friendly town like Boston,  this might be your only opportunity to put eyes on some really cool stuff and sample different kinds of nutrition.  So don’t just pick up your number and get your schwag, do some exploring.
  2. Tweet-Up – or rather meet-up with runners you have only met through the various running social networks.  When I went to the dailymile meet-up last year before Boston, I was afraid it was going to be an awkward, uncomfortable meal, however, it turned out to be one of the highlights of my Marathon Weekend.  These meet-ups are opportunities to meet the people you’ve been following online, and talk about running without the fear of the other person mentally checking out on you – runners will listen to your running stories with fascination, unlike our non-running spouses (who, granted, have had to hear the same stories over and over and over again).
  3. Don’t Mess With Your Food – I made the mistake of changing my dinner and breakfast routine the day before and of New York.  In addition, I changed my in-race nutrition as well.  Big Mistake. BIG! Nausea hit at mile 6 followed by stomach cramps at mile 13, quad cramps at mile 20 and calf cramps at mile 23.  It was a death march, due, I am convinced, to my altered food intake.  Stick to what the body is used to.
  4. Get the Jacket – one of the few things I regret about my Boston Marathon experience last year is that I chose not to buy the official Boston Marathon jacket.  After you finish the race and hang the medal up on your wall, that jacket can be a constant reminder that you did something that less than 1% of the world’s population has done.  Buy the jacket, wear it with pride!
  5. Meet Bart Yasso – yeah, that’s right, meet Bart Yasso.  The Chief Running Officer of Runner’s World magazine is almost always at the big city marathon expos.  He is friendly, accessible and willing to take pictures.  Take the time to go shake his hand and hope that some of his running acumen rubs off on you.
  6. Cab it – if you’re gonna be a tourist (whether it’s here in Boston or any big city marathon), don’t do too much walking.  It may feel like nothing at the time, but you’re legs will tell you different as you try to fight your way up Heartbreak Hill.
  7. Enjoy the Crowd – the crowds at the Boston Marathon are like nothing you have ever seen.  Before you even cross the starting mat, the people are lined up.  Kids have their hands held high, waiting for a high-five from any passing marathoner.  To many of these kids, YOU are just as impressive as Ryan Hall or Kara Goucher.  YOU are a marathoner and the crowd at Boston appreciates and respects that.  From Hopkinton to Boylston Street the streets are lined with spectators.  If you were so inclined, you could run with one arm held high and high-five your way all the way to the finish.
  8. Don’t Jack-Rabbit – it is really tempting to fly through the first 5 miles of the Boston Marathon – it’s almost all downhill.  However, your quads will be taking a pounding that you’ll pay for 12 miles later on the Newton Hills.  Running 10-20 seconds slower per mile on the descent will save you 20 – 40 seconds per mile on the climb.  Take your time, enjoy yourself.
  9. Let the Women of Wellesley Lift You – just before you reach the half-way point, you will run through the Wellesley Scream Tunnel.  It’s not much of a tunnel anymore since they make the women stay on the right side of the road, but man are they loud (and offering kisses to anyone willing to stop).  Obviously, if you are running for time, you don’t want to stop and kiss the girls, BUT I highly recommend running as close to them as possible to feed off of their incredible energy.
  10. Don’t be afraid of Heartbreak Hill.  If you’ve done your training, you’ll get by it.  And don’t be afraid to walk part of the hill.  JUST. DON’T. STOP! If you can’t run, jog.  If you can’t jog, walk.  If you can’t walk, shuffle.  But no matter what you do, JUST. DON’T. STOP!  Once you’re over the Hill, you’re less than a 10K away! You’ve got this!  You’ve been training.  You can do a 10K in your sleep!
  11. When you make the final turn on to Boylston, feel the crowd!  The crowd support is incredible throughout the entire marathon, but there is something about making that final turn on to Boylston that is almost overwhelming.
  12. When you cross the finish line, look up at the cameras.  Don’t make the mistake I made of looking down at the ground.
  13. After you finish the marathon, choose where you sit down wisely.  You may find that you are stuck there for a while.
  14. Find the massage area.  The massages are free and last year they served chicken broth to those waiting in line.  It was the best chicken broth I have ever tasted!

I guess that’s it…feel free to add your own to the list in the comments below.  I gotta go.  I’m off to the Expo and then a meal with some fellow marathoners!  Hope to see you out there!

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Why do you run?

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Who won?

That was my question to a number of people after I crossed the finish line last year at Boston. The responses ranged from blank stares to “I think the guy who’s won it a bunch of times!”.

None of the answers were correct, and I didn’t find out who really won until I got home that afternoon.

***

6 months later I watched the most exciting finish to a marathon I have every seen. Granted it was on the small screen on my computer, but Sammy Wanjiru’s finish at the Chicago Marathon last year was absolutely breathtaking!

I was exhausted by the end.

***

My father and I were chatting about marathons the other night. Like me, he can pop on marathon coverage on the TV and enjoy it from beginning to end. For a lot of people, this sounds like torture – you’re just sitting there watching people run! But if you have ever run a race (my pop actually held the county record in the 880 yard dash back in the day), whether in High School, College or as an adult, you get it. It doesn’t matter if you were competitive enough to win, as long as you were competitive enough to want to beat the guy who was running next to you.

There is a thrill to watching people compete in this second oldest of competitions – I imagine that the oldest competition is the fist fight. Whether it is watching Sammy Wanjiru turn it on after being broken three times or reading about my good friend Mike’s battle it out with the Cat in the Hat, competition is compelling. I get to experience the thrill without putting in the effort, and that can be appealing.

And so, with a competitive field toeing the line in Hopkinton this year, with Ryan Hall once again attempting to bring home a win by an American at Boston, there is part of me that wishes I could be a spectator again.

My barber, who ran a 2:28 Boston back in the day, said to me yesterday that he won’t even go to the marathon, preferring to watch it on TV so he can watch every moment.

So, do I really want to be a spectator instead of a participant in this year’s Boston Marathon? No. Frakkin’. Way.

Boston IS the goal.

Boston IS the race.

Boston IS Mecca.

There is a part of me that wants to see those moments, to watch the elites, to encourage each and every runner, but there is no place that I’d rather be on April 18th than sharing the road with my fellow 27,000 marathoners.

Now, to find out who really won last year, click —>HERE<—.

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Why do you run?