Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘other’ Category

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

Yesterday afternoon, while at school pick up, a mother tracked me down…

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,” she started, “your blue hair…”

She went on to tell me how she had been sitting watching a group of kids.  The topic of Brooke’s dad with the blue hair spontaneously came up in conversation which started a discussion about autism, autism awareness and what autism is…among the kids…with no adults!

She wasn’t close enough to hear every detail, but she was impressed that the kids carried on the conversation for some time and that the topic had been brought up because of my blue hair.

“I thought you would want to know your blue hair is doing its job,” she said.  She was absolutely right.

I told her maybe I should think about keeping my hair blue all year.

“No, no,” she replied, “then they’d get used to it.  Every once in a while, it’s good to shock them and make them think.”

Even though I’m getting my marathon out of the way with NYCM next weekend, maybe I should consider going blue again next year.  I feel like each conversation Brooke’s peers have about autism is one more kid who is aware that different is okay.

Thank you to the mom who let me know that I was making a difference even when I wasn’t around.

Read Full Post »

RIP Dear Friend

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

Last night was the first night I really missed him.

May he rest in peace.

No, no, no. Nobody has died, not yet anyway.

I am in mourning not for a person nor pet. No, I am in mourning for my treadmill. After many years of service, the last three being fairly intense, my familiar friend TM has become injured beyond repair.

Like a horse with a broken leg, it may be time to put TM down.

His first injury was actually a little over a year ago when the elevation motor died. At the time I wasn’t too worried because I was training for an incredibly flat marathon (Smuttynose).

But it finally happened.

A few weeks ago, while trying to get myself back into the groove of running, I hopped on TM for a quick 8-miler.

You may ask, why didn’t you just go outside?  Honestly, as much as I love running outside, there is something very zen about hopping on a treadmill and being able to turn the brain completely off – plus, I find it a good opportunity to catch up on shows Jess doesn’t like on my DVR.

But I digress…

About 4 miles in I heard a loud “CRACK” and suddenly the ride got a little bouncy – not overly so, but I definitely felt like I was running on a small trampoline. As long as I didn’t run down the center of TM, it didn’t get too bad.  He had essentially split down the middle.  I was determined to get my 8 miles in, but I now had to run with my feet slightly apart.  The zen running was no longer very zen.  I did manage to zone out a little but as I passed 7 miles I started to hear a flap! flap! flap!.  I looked down in horror to see that the tread of the treadmill was coming apart at the seams.

It was time to stop.

At this point, I realized that TM was probably beyond repair, or that at the very least, the cost of fixing him would be more than simply replacing him.  Unfortunately, these are tough economic times, so a replacement will have to be held off for quite a while – as much as running is a necessity to me, a treadmill is a luxury.  Ultimately, outside running is better for you anyway, and I do enjoy time in the fresh air.

But last night, as I contemplated going out for a late-night run,  I realized just how much I will miss my dear friend TM.  We got our first snow of the year last night, and it wasn’t a children’s storybook gentle snow – it was a cold, hard, unpleasant snow.  As I walked the dog, I quickly decided that my run could wait another day.  As much as I needed a run, I didn’t need to be running in miserable weather.

And so I mourn.

Rest in peace dear friend.  You served me well.  Hopefully you are up in Heaven keeping the angels in shape.

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

I cannot put into words how overwhelmed and supported I felt from your responses (both on and off line) to my #FAIL post.  Whether it was from those who felt the same way as me, those who had made their way back to God or those who had never left Him/Her, I felt the love and compassion from each and every one of you…thank you.

Last weekend Jess and Brooke went to New York City to see Brooke’s favorite movie on the stage – Godspell.  To really understand how Godspell has intertwined itself into our lives would take several blog posts – wait! —>there are several blogpost about that over on Jess’ blog<— (I suggest going to the beginning).  Suffice it to say, if you don’t have the time to read them all, Godspell is big, BIG in our home.  We knew she really wanted to see the show, but when you have a child with autism, you just never know how they are going to react to a new environment.  The experience could be a big hit or could end in disaster…

So it was with bated breath that I waited, here in Boston, to see how Jess & Brooke’s trip went…

*on a side note and a nod to the late Steve Jobs, the pictures, video and editing were all done on an iPhone.

Read Full Post »

#FAIL

Dear Lord,

If You did this to test me, then I believe I have failed.

Not because I have given up on my daughter.

Not because I have given up on doing what is right.

Unlike You, I will never stop doing those things.

I failed because I have given up on You as an all-powerful, all-loving God.

You are cruel. You are sadistic. You are uncaring. You are vain.

How else do You explain what we see in the world?

A test?

Your test is flawed.  It tests those who do not carry love in their hearts at the expense of those who do.

How many mothers do You make cry themselves to sleep at night? How many fathers do You leave powerless to comfort their wives? How many little children, the very essence of purity, do You make suffer by chasing them with demons and dragons – those innocent children who have no weapon to defend themselves but the love of their parents?  How many Brooke’s do you torment with unyielding anxiety?  What did she do to deserve her fate?  I may not have walked the righteous path all of my life, but that gives you no right to punish Brooke, and in turn Jess and Katie.  If you have a problem with me, then you should take it out on me, not them.

I am angry at You.

I choose no longer to believe in You.

And don’t give me the “that’s the point of Faith” crap again. It’s crap and You know it. If You really cared, You would make the wicked suffer and comfort and heal to good.

You wouldn’t send the world preachers who tell the poor and the sick and the hurting that they just aren’t praying hard enough, they just aren’t giving enough, they just don’t believe enough.

Shame on You, Lord!

Maybe You did make us in Your image. That would explain why we have people like politicians and bank presidents – masters of the universe that don’t care about the poor, the needy, those in pain. Just like You, they say they care, that they want to help, but in the end, all they care about is their glory, their wealth, their fortune, their comfort.

Maybe You are deaf.

I think You just don’t care anymore.

Read Full Post »

Control

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

You can’t treat it with surgery.

Or chemo.

Or a shot of penicillin.

Or Bubbie’s chicken noodle soup.

Or a week in bed.

It’s not always visible…until the inevitable meltdown.

There is no “cure”.   There are therapies and strategies to help make the world more navigable, but Brooke will always “have” autism.  Maybe someday she will test out of the diagnosis (one can dream), but she will still have the underlying architecture of a girl with autism.  Regardless, we fight to make sure she gets the support she needs so that one day, diagnosis or not, she will be a productive, happy member of the community, of society.

As a parent, as much as I (we) fight for her, there is a sense of a lack of control.  There is no easy “target”.  I can’t give her a Tums or an Advil or schedule a procedure that will take this all away from my beautiful little girl.  It’s like fighting the war on terror – you don’t know where your enemy is hiding; you don’t know when he will decide to attack; and often by the time you have marshaled your forces, he’s slipped away back into hiding.

It doesn’t help when Medicine and Education point to each other as the place you should go when they should be working hand-in-hand.

I’ve seen a lot of moms with PTSD – my own wife included.

Yes, control goes out the window.

***

One of the ways I have learned to take back some of that sense of control is through running.

Does my running help Brooke?  Well, yes and no.

My running does not benefit Brooke directly, but it is my way of taking control of something in my life – particularly when things feel out of control.  Running relieves the stress and tension, helps improve my health, and allows me to be more focused afterward.  In turn, that allows me to be more present for Brooke, and though there are no guarantees, hopefully means I will be around on this planet for a long, long time to watch over her.

I have said it before and I will say it again, running has helped save me from the abyss.  It’s restorative powers are undeniable.

***

What do you do when things seem to be spinning out of control?

Read Full Post »

Brother, can you spare 30 seconds?

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

So the blue hair thing is already paying dividends.

Friends, neighbors, acquaintances, strangers; children, adults – all of them are asking, “what’s up with the blue hair?”

I thought this would be easy – you ask me about autism and I can go on for a good 30 minutes, ranging on topics from awareness to therapies to educational methods. The problem of course is not everyone is as enthusiastic as I am; not everyone is as entrenched as I am; not everyone wants to listen for too long as I get on to my traveling soapbox.

So I’ve had to refine my pitch. I’ve tried to get my soapbox speech down to about 30 seconds or less at this point, but it’s kind of like suddenly being told you need to sprint a 5K after spending a summer training for a marathon.

Hopefully I’ll have it down pat by the time the New York Marathon rolls around.

Meanwhile, I hit the key points –

  • Autism Awareness
  • Fund Raising
  • Research
  • Beacon of awareness
  • Running New York with blue hair for Autism Speaks

So far I haven’t had one negative comment (except maybe one who said she just couldn’t take someone with blue hair seriously…whatever).  Over the weekend I think I probably spoke to over 30 people individually about the hair and why I did it.  Today I’ve already spoken with almost 10.  That’s 40 more people who might stop and think before judging one of our kids, siblings or parents the next time they fall apart at the grocery store.  Hopefully those 40 will tell their friends about the crazy, marathon running dad with the blue hair and they’ll remember to mention why that crazy dad is doing it.

Spreading Autism Awareness, changing the world, one strange look at a time.

Bookmark and Share

Why do you run?

And for those who think maybe Awareness is a tired, worn out theme, I ask you to read —>THIS<— and then tell me if that is really the case.

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

Yesterday, if you were on the Twitter and following me (@luau), you would have seen the stream of pictures that follow. The quick story for those new here is that I put it out there in cyber-space a couple of weeks ago that if we were able to help my wife Jess reach her goal of $10,000 raised by the time the Autism Walk in Boston arrived, I would run my next marathon with blue hair in honor of Autism Awareness. I put out this challenge just a few before the walk and a couple of grand short. We didn’t think we were going to make it.

Lo and behold, on Walk Day how much was on Jess’ fund raising page?

$10,000.01.

My dearest friend Lurch (together we are known as Lurchau) had come through with an incredibly large donation at the last minute. Personally, I think he just wanted to see me run with blue hair.

Anyway, that is how I ended up at Stilisti Boston yesterday. It was quite the ride. Marisa, the owner of Stilisti Boston and one of the top stylist anywhere, was kind enough to donate the job for the cause. Thank you Marisa (and the rest of your staff). You. Are. Amazing. They made me feel right at home – actually, they kinda made me feel like a celebrity. You will notice in some of the pictures the group of beautiful women surrounding me. No, it’s not because of my dashing good looks or the curiosity of a suburban dad dyeing his hair blue. No, it is because these women were there to learn from the best in the business (Marisa, not me). You can find Stilisti Boston at http://stilistiboston.com/ on the Interwebs or 138 Newbury Street, 2nd Floor in Boston – 617-262-2234. I’d also appreciate it if you’d consider following them on Twitter at @stilistiboston.

Again, thank you Marisa, thank you Lurch, thank you Jess, and thank you to all who helped us get over the $10K mark.

Thank you to all of you who sent encouraging and entertaining words and comments (yeah, I’m looking at you @mynameisMarc! 🙂 )

Can’t wait to run New York with my blue hair.

The ride begins...

waiting for Marisa

the bleaching begins...

hair dryer time

bleach is starting to do its work...

touching up the ends...

time to hit the roots

time to wash this stuff out

rinse, rinse, rinse

wow...that's blond!

gotta get it dry before coloring...

...maybe I could get used to this...

view from the back

I look like a crazy man

let the dyeing begin...

waiting for it to set...

time to rinse and lock

unfortunately I had to run out to pick up the girls from school...priorities you know...

a shirt I will be wearing a lot for the next month

...finished product - THANK YOU Stilisti Boston!!!

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

So tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow morning at 10:45 I will, for the first time in my life be dying my hair – not to wash away the gray (it’s there by the way), not to add highlights (a little too Metro’ for me anyway), but to go blue, specifically Autism Speaks Blue to promote Autism Awareness.

Jess’ stylist, who has so generously donated the job, is going to be washing, bleaching and coloring this shaggy head.

The closer I get to it, the more I realize just how nutty of an idea this was – but if I can get just one person every day to ask me why I did it, it will be well worth the funny looks.

So tomorrow is the day.

I will post pictures of the transformation here on the blog either tomorrow afternoon or Friday morning, BUT for those who simply cannot wait and want to watch the change almost as it happens, I will be live tweeting the transformation.

So if you’ve got nothing better to do tomorrow morning, hop on to Twitter and follow me @luau.

For now, I am going to enjoy my last few hours with normal colored hair.

Read Full Post »

Running with Regret

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

It’s days like yesterday that I run with a certain feeling of regret – the pseudo-holidays – the days where the kids are home from school but Jess has to go to work. I despise them.

***

I finished at the top of my class at what was probably THE top high school (public or private) in Florida at the time. I was number one; valedictorian. Because of that I got into and enrolled in a top-ten college.  The future was mine.

Over the next four years, much if it spent chasing girls and drinking beer, I proceeded to finish college near the bottom of my class. Out of nearly 1,100 graduates, I was probably somewhere around 1,000th. I left my school on the hill with no solid plan for my future.

***
I was chastising Katie yesterday morning. In retrospect, I wonder if I was chastising myself, my past – that kid that had so much potential but ended up letting it slip away.

***

Days like yesterday fill me with regret – regret that I didn’t study more; regret that I didn’t think ahead more; regret that I didn’t DO more.  If I had, what would I be today?  A doctor? A business owner?  A working filmmaker?  Whatever I would have become, I know I had the potential to be earning an income that might have some of the Occupy Wallstreet people using the hashtag #occupyLuau’shouse.

To be sure, income isn’t the end all be all.  Far from it.  But it buys one options.  It gives one, or more importantly, one’s family, opportunities.  If I had only taken a different path I could have given Jess the option, the opportunity of being home on days like yesterday.

And I would switch places with Jess in a heartbeat – not because I am tired of being a stay-at-home parent, but because I know how much she would like to be at home, spending time with the girls, even though in reality, with the kids in school, most of the days would be spent alone…cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, dropping off dry cleaning, returning purchases…

During the normal course of the week, I don’t think about it much, but these psuedo-holidays kill me.

Why didn’t I take a different path?

***

But here’s the rub – if I had, I may not have joined my fraternity, and not met certain brothers who would have made my move to New York City in ’96 possible, where I wouldn’t have had my apartment, where Jess would have never crashed a party I was throwing (a story for another day…).

No wasting the college experience, no Jess, no Katie and Brooke, no autism, no advocacy…no blue hair this coming Thursday and quite possibly no running and no Run Luau Run.

Except for the no autism part, that sounds like a pretty crappy deal to me.

And so I come back to why it is only a certain amount of regret I run with.  The choices I have made in my life have brought me to where I am.  I can’t help but feel I have disappointed many from the first 20 years of my life – it is always with me; expectations were high.  Until recently, I had not done much to make a dent in the world or make it a better place – and with that knowledge, regret followed me.

But I would argue that the last couple of years, though on a small-scale, I’ve managed to put a dent into the greater consciousness, helping bring autism awareness to places where it might not normally pop up.  Have I lived up to the promise of that 18-year old superstar? Not even a little.

But maybe, as I enter the second act of my life, maybe I’m just a late bloomer; maybe 42 is the new 22; maybe NOW (or this Thursday when my hair goes blue) is when I rise and finally throw off the yoke of regret and realize I am where I am supposed to be.

In the meantime, I think Supertramp had me in mind when they wrote this:

So you think you’re a Romeo
playing a part in a picture-show
Take the long way home
Take the long way home
Cuz you’re the joke of the neighborhood
Why should you care if you’re feeling good
Take the long way home
Take the long way home
But there are times that you feel you’re part of the scenery
all the greenery is comin’ down, boy
And then your wife seems to think you’re part of the
furniture
oh, it’s peculiar,
she used to be so nice.

When lonely days turn to lonely nights
you take a trip to the city lights
And take the long way home
Take the long way home
You never see what you want to see
Forever playing to the gallery
You take the long way home
Take the long way home
And when you’re up on the stage, it’s so unbelievable,
unforgettable, how they adore you,
But then your wife seems to think you’re losing your sanity,
oh, calamity,
is there no way out?

Does it feel that you life’s become a catastrophe?
Oh, it has to be,
for you to grow, boy.
When you look through the years and see what you could
have been
oh, what might have been,
if you’d had more time.

So, when the day comes to settle down,
Who’s to blame if you’re not around?
You took the long way home
You took the long way home………..

Read Full Post »

[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]

I am not sure where to begin.

The beginning? The middle? The end?

Honestly, there is still a lot of processing going on.

***

October 3rd, 2010 – yapping with a group of dailymilers before the Smuttynose Marathon

Doug: Seriously, you should run the Vermont 50 with me.
Me: You’re crazy, dude.  50 miles?  That’s just nuts.
Doug: Nah, come on!

After much prodding…and more to just get Doug to shut up…

Me: Fine.  Tell you what – if I qualify for Boston today, I’ll run the Vermont 50 with you.

Damn!  My logic was sound. I  figured that were I to qualify I would be set to run Boston for two years.  In addition, I think I thought this whole Vermont 50 idea would just go away.


***

Summer 2011

After running a half-marathon on Memorial Day this year, I essentially lost my motivation to run.  The summer would prove to be a time when my mileage declined significantly.  After logging nearly 1000 miles in the first 5 month of the year, I went from 100 miles in June, to 80 miles in July, to barely 60 miles in August to less than 40 miles in September.  I was not even running at maintenance pace.  Add to that the fact that by September 25th I would have a total of 6 lifetime miles of trail running under my belt, I was in no shape, NO SHAPE, to be running 50.5 miles through the mountain trails of Vermont.

***

I know tired.

No, I really do.

You run 7 marathons over the course of 21 months and you’re pretty much a partial owner of the market on tired and exhaustion.

So yeah, I like to think that I know tired…

…well, hmmm, I guess I THOUGHT I knew tired because, you know, marathons are long…26.2 miles long…long enough to kill Pheidippides oh so many years ago.

***

So with that in mind, I began my 50.5 mile trek last Sunday at 6:35AM  in the mountains of Vermont.

The start was painful…painfully slow.  As our group of six runners crossed the starting line, we took off at a blistering 10:00 per mile pace.  The only times I have ever run slower in a “race” is when I have bonked, and bonked badly.  My legs kept wanting to push the pace, but runners smarter than me kept reining me in.  I knew the first few miles would feel slow, because they would have to be slow, but I was having a hard time not running at a comfortable pace.

“Slow it down there, Luau,” JD, our experienced team leader would say.  It would become his refrain over the next 30 miles.

I really had no idea what I was getting into- and I mean that not only had I never run the distance, but also that I really had no idea what my body, mind and soul were in for.  I hadn’t had a run over 20 miles since the end of July, my monthly mileage had been dramatically dropping since the end of May.  I really hadn’t wrapped my brain around the concept of going for 50 miles (50.5 if we’re gonna get technical – the flooding from Irene forced organizers to reroute some of the course).

My goal was to have fun, enjoy the ride and get my dear friend Doug across the finish line in under 11:00.  For some crazy reason, Doug wants to be able to run the Western States 100, and one way to get into the lottery for that race is to finish the Vermont 50 in under 11 hours.  More on that later.

As we left Ascutney Mountain, I was chatting everybody up, running backwards, sideways and forwards.  At one point I found I could speed walk at the pace we were running.  I felt like I was going out for an easy morning jog.

This isn’t so bad.  I could do this ALL day! Have you ever had one of those thoughts?  The “I could do this all day” thoughts.  Think again the next time you have one.

We were a happy Gang of Six during the few several miles.  Doug (the instigator), Jeremy D (our experienced leader), Jeremy B (the barefooter – yes, he ran the whole way in VFF Treks – my hero!), me, Adam (the streaker) and Sarah (Miss Ultra).  Shuffling along, we, along with everyone else around us joked about thinking this a a 5K or a 5 miler. Everybody was all smiles.  The only distraction was a runner whose fanny pack must have had a bottle or two of advil tablets in it.

Shake shake shake! Shake shake shake!

Slow down, speed up – no matter what we did, he maintained pace with us – didn’t say a word to us, just ran in lock step.

As we were about to hit mile 1 we came to our first hill.  My inclination of course was to keep running, but everyone, not just our gang of six, slowed to power walk pace.  I figured when in Rome.  JD set the pace and we all fell in step.  It was weird to me that we were walking up this hill – it wouldn’t be so weird to me later in the race.

There are 10 aid stations throughout the Vermont 50, ranging in distance to each from 3.8 miles to 7 miles.  For my own mental well-being, I had to break up the day into 11 shorter runs.  Our first aid station came at 4.2 miles.

Doug, JD, Sarah and me

For the first time ever, I had decided to carry to water bottles.  As we pulled in, I fumbled to open them for a refill.  I would have to get better at the process.  JD pushed us to pick up the pace.  We didn’t want to linger too long at any aid station, he said.  I grabbed a few orange slices and a piece of peanutbutter and jelly sandwich and we were off.

The next several miles were a bit of a blur, running through the forest on muddy, single track trails.  We had to climb up a hill to get to the next aid station.

The next aid station (Skunk Hollow) was 3.8 miles away and was the first place we could meet our crew.  Doug’s wife and best friend, along with Adam’s wife had very kindly volunteered to crew for us.  This entailed grabbing our drop bag, helping us fill water bottles, checking on us, etc.  Without them, I don’t know that I would have made it to the finish.  As we made our way to Skunk Hollow, our Gang of Six became a Team of Four.  Adam’s heels were barking at him and Sarah stayed with him.  As Doug, the two Jeremy’s and I continued on, we laughed and joked our way through the woods.  None of us were feeling the effects yet of the rapidly warming temperatures.

In good spirits

Laughing it up

As we pulled into Skunk Hollow, I thought about changing my socks.  I had stepped into a couple of deep mud puddles and my feet were soaked.  We were only a little over 12 miles into our day, about a quarter of the way done.  I should have taken the time to switch out, but I was eager to keep things going.  We were well on pace to get Doug in in under 10 1/2 hours.

Pulling into Skunk Hollow

Still happy as a clam

I think this is me telling Doug to get his butt moving...he was greasing up his feet - I probably should have taken the time to do the same

Now came what would be one of the hardest parts of the day for me – 7 miles, no aid stations.  Garvin Hill (the next aid station) would be at the 19.3 mile marker.  Not only was it 7 miles away, but it was also all uphill – over 1,100 feet of climb.  Two things crossed my mind at that point:  1.) I had not run anywhere close to 20 miles since the end of July and 2.) the next aid station where I could change my socks was at mile 30 – almost 20 miles away.

About 3 miles into this leg I felt an all too familiar, terrifying twinge.  My left quad began to cramp.  I tried kicking my heel to my butt to try to stretch it out on the run, but to no avail.  15 miles in, 35 miles to go – there was no way I could do that on a cramped quad.  I began muttering to myself, somewhat in a panic.  What was I going to do?  Doug pulled up next to me and asked me what was wrong.  I mentioned the quad and without hesitation he told me to pop a Nuun tablet right into my mouth and let it dissolve on my tongue until I couldn’t take it anymore.

Really?  Ew!

But you know what? I worked.  Within a few hundred yards the cramp was gone and my legs were fine.  Throughout most of this leg we were in the woods, climbing, climbing, climbing.  As we came out, I thought YES! Finally some flats! But to no avail.  They didn’t call this aid station Garvin Hill for nothing.   We still had a bit of a climb before we got to the top of Garvin Hill to refill our water bottles and snack on some food.  By this time the temperatures were into the high 70’s and the humidity was intense.  Still, we knew we were 40% of the way done.

Still smiling after almost 20 miles

20 miles in, 30 miles to get back to the other side of that mountain in the distance.

Attempting to Live Tweet - lack of signal made my tweets sparse

As I paused to tweet my progress I took a look at my Garmin – 20 miles, nearly 4 hours.  Holy Cow.  6 miles less and 40 minutes longer than what I would run a marathon in.  It struck me at that moment just how different an ultra is from a typical marathon.

There were two more aid stations and 12 more miles between Garvin Hill and Dugdale’s, which was the next spot where we could meet our crew.  My feet were barking.  I could feel blisters forming.  I cursed myself for not switching socks and greasing up my feet when I had the chance. It didn’t help that the trails were muddy and tough to navigate.

Doug leading the way as I trail behind trying to step where he stepped

The heat continued to rise and on the advice of JD the Texan, I grabbed some ice at one of the aid stations and put it in my hat.  I would do that at every aid station the rest of the way.  At this point the legs and feet hurt, but the pain was manageable.  However, a couple of miles before Dugdale’s my right forearm began to tingle.  Not a lot at first, but it was definitely there.  Initially I thought that maybe it was because of fatigue.  I had never carried two water bottles before and normally, I carry my hydration in my left hand.  The tingling continued to intensify.  As it got stronger, it began to spread up my arm. I have to be honest here and say that I began to get a little scared. When we finally pulled in to Dugdale’s I went straight to my drop bag to switch socks and shoes and restock my supply of Nuun and Shotblocks.

As I squatted down to reach into my bag, that’s when it hit me.  The tingling quickly spread from my forearm to my bicep, up the right side of my neck and my face.  My nose and teeth were numb.  I looked over at Doug.  He was busy restocking.

pulling into Dugdale's aid station - I was hurtin'!

I couldn’t focus.  I couldn’t see straight.  I stumbled over to the food table to refill my water bottles.  I couldn’t get them open.  I felt like I might pass out.  My day was done.  I had made a promise to Jess a long time ago not to risk my health in these runs that I do.  There was no way I could cover another 20 miles, no less one more mile, feeling like this.  I looked around for Doug or either of the Jeremy’s to let them know I was cooked.

But that is when a woman, I wish I knew what her name was, came up to me and asked me how I felt.  I explained to her what was going on and she very calmly, almost divinely calmly (I know, that’s not English) offered to fill my water bottles.  She then brought me a cup of ramen noodles in soup.  I watched as she sprinkled salt onto the already salty soup.  Take this she said.  You just need salt.  She then handed me a couple of endurolytes.  As I began to down the ramen, the rest of my crew came over.  I looked at them, told them how I felt and that I didn’t think I would make it.  They all said there was no way they were leaving me behind, but honestly, I was cooked.

Then a funny thing happened.  As I downed the last bite of the overly salty ramen, the tingling and numbness disappeared, just like that.  And with that, I was back.  As the boys began to leave Dugdale’s, I ran back to the food table and grabbed another cup of ramen.  This stuff was the food of the gods.

I caught up to the group and we were off again.

Our pace had slowed considerably, but we were still in the running to get Doug in on time.  I don’t remember much from the next 10 miles or so.  We were all just focused on moving forward.  At this point our bodies were spent – we were moving along only because our minds were forcing us to.  I do remember that at this point the transitions from power walking the uphills to running the flats and downhills was becoming increasingly difficult.  In some ways running was much easier than power walking – maybe because I hadn’t done any power walking to prepare for the day.

Somewhere around mile 38 my Garmin conked out.  It had helped me to know how much ground we were covering and not knowing was killing me.  Mentally I kept thinking that the next aid station HAD to be right around the next corner.  More often than not I would turn a corner or come out of the woods only to see more trail.

Physically I was on empty.

Mentally I was on reserve.

Emotionally I was running out of fuel.

At around 41 we hit another aid station.

I'm in the blue shirt, looking for ramen and ice

We would now hit the second longest leg of the day – a 6 mile trip to the final aid station, where our crew would have one last chance to see us before the finish.  It was a hard push.  I kept trying to guess how far we had gone based on the time that had passed, but it didn’t help me in the slightest. Still, the views were incredible.  Occasionally I had to take a moment to take it all in.

Somewhere after mile 42, I heard Doug whimper.  Something was wrong.  His knee had decided to act up and it was affecting his gait.  As the two Jeremy’s began to pull ahead, I told Doug to set his pace and I would stay behind him.    A few miles later he seemed to right himself, though I think it was more out of sheer will than anything else.  Still, we were all struggling.  At one point I asked out loud why there weren’t any mile markers on the course…and as if the running gods had heard me…

5. Miles. To. GO!!!

5 miles to go.  5 MILES TO GO!  I have told myself in past races that I can do 5 miles.  No matter what, I can do 5 miles.  We had covered over 45 miles and were now just 5 miles away – and only a little over 2 away from the next aid station.

I was briefly energized and we trekked along, keeping our eyes open for the next mile marker.  It was at mile 46 that my complete lack of training finally caught up to me.  As I said before, I had run very little this summer and almost not at all on the trails.  Try as I might, I could not keep up with the rest of the crew.  They began to pull away.  At one point Doug turned to look at me.  I waved him on.  He had a time to beat, I just needed to finish.

I was able to keep them in my sites, but I was fading fast.  I tried to close the gap as we pulled into the final aid station.

If you look carefully, you can see me over Doug's right shoulder

Less than 3 miles to go at this point and I was spent.  Doug was on a mission.  He had 38 minutes to get to the finish to get in in under 11 hours.  Under normal circumstances I would laugh at covering 2.8 miles in 38 minutes, but with 47.7 miles under my belt, I wasn’t sure I could do it in that time.  It didn’t help that the next 2 miles would be all uphill.  Doug and JD rushed through the aid station and were off.  I took my time and told JB that if he caught the other two to tell them to get it done and I would see them at the finish.  He took off after them, I grabbed some more ramen and ice and walked back onto the course.  I could see them off in the distance, but the switchbacks made them look like they were much closer than they really were.   I power walked for about a quarter mile and realized that I had a little left in the tank – ramen, it does amazing things on the trail!  I started to jog and slowly began amping up the speed.  I didn’t let the climb slow me down.  I wanted to catch my crew.  As I ran past other runners I could see I was closing the gap on my friend.

I passed the “2 miles to go” marker and that gave me a little zip.  I broke into an all out run, bounding past other runners, receiving “WHOOPS!” and “GO GO GO!’s” as I went.  Big mistake.  Though I was able to catch my friends, I was now completely spent and there was still at least a mile and a half to go.

They were surprised to see me.  I said hello and proceeded to say goodbye.  I needed to walk.  I encouraged Doug to go.

During my all out sprint, I had managed to tweak my right knee.  I hobbled along for maybe a half mile, cursing myself but determined to finish.  With maybe a little less than a mile to go, I began to jog again.  After two more rolling hills, it was now time for the downhill ending.  I started to pick up the pace again.  With a little less than a half mile to go, I saw a sign that said, SMILE – Camera person ahead.  I did my best to smile.

less than 1/2 mile to go!

After a quarter mile of downhill switchbacks, it was straight down the mountain.

Chugging down the hill - trying to get rid of my water bottles

realizing that I might not be able to stop myself...

Thank goodness you guys caught me!

Asking myself if I really just ran 50.5 miles on no training...

I had crossed the finish line in 11:04:37.  I finished.  A moment later I was elated at what I had done.  Doug? He had finished in 10:57.  He qualified for the Western States 100 Lottery – he’s crazy.  JB actually finished first from our group with JD coming in right after Doug.

My favorite picture of the day! Me, JB, Doug and JD.

After the race, we grabbed some food.

Doug and me...happy...exhausted

20 miles of mud...the other pair are way worse!

I have never been more exhausted in my life.  At the end of the day I was completely spent on all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally.  I walked around afterward saying that this was it for me and Ultras.  Scratch it off the bucket list.  I woke up the next morning wondering, if I actually train for this sucker, maybe I could get in under 10 hours!  Watch out VT50 2012!  I’m gunning for ya!

Our friend Sarah came in just under the 12 hour cut off.  Adam unfortunately had to call it a day at 47 miles.

I had promised Jess that I wouldn’t have a beer right after the race because we had no idea what alcohol would do to me after a  day like this.  With a 3 hour drive home, I had to agree.  So when I finally got home, I pulled two bottles of my new favorite beer out of the fridge – Left Hand Milk Stout.

Finally! My post race beer!

I went upstairs, crawled into bed, kissed Jess goodnight.  I took 3 sips of my beer and I was out.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »