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You can’t treat it with surgery.
Or chemo.
Or a shot of penicillin.
Or Bubbie’s chicken noodle soup.
Or a week in bed.
It’s not always visible…until the inevitable meltdown.
There is no “cure”. There are therapies and strategies to help make the world more navigable, but Brooke will always “have” autism. Maybe someday she will test out of the diagnosis (one can dream), but she will still have the underlying architecture of a girl with autism. Regardless, we fight to make sure she gets the support she needs so that one day, diagnosis or not, she will be a productive, happy member of the community, of society.
As a parent, as much as I (we) fight for her, there is a sense of a lack of control. There is no easy “target”. I can’t give her a Tums or an Advil or schedule a procedure that will take this all away from my beautiful little girl. It’s like fighting the war on terror – you don’t know where your enemy is hiding; you don’t know when he will decide to attack; and often by the time you have marshaled your forces, he’s slipped away back into hiding.
It doesn’t help when Medicine and Education point to each other as the place you should go when they should be working hand-in-hand.
I’ve seen a lot of moms with PTSD – my own wife included.
Yes, control goes out the window.
***
One of the ways I have learned to take back some of that sense of control is through running.
Does my running help Brooke? Well, yes and no.
My running does not benefit Brooke directly, but it is my way of taking control of something in my life – particularly when things feel out of control. Running relieves the stress and tension, helps improve my health, and allows me to be more focused afterward. In turn, that allows me to be more present for Brooke, and though there are no guarantees, hopefully means I will be around on this planet for a long, long time to watch over her.
I have said it before and I will say it again, running has helped save me from the abyss. It’s restorative powers are undeniable.
***
What do you do when things seem to be spinning out of control?
Run Luau Run 
you’ve hit the nail on the head.
while my kids don’t have Autism, i am convinced that I have Asperger’s. Or at least SOMETHING that keeps me from being ‘normal’.
So I run. Not away from anything, but toward; toward clarity, toward relief; toward understanding; toward peace. Not just in my mind, but in my home.
I can be unbearable at times. My family appreciates it when I run during those times, almost as much as I do.
I’m not saying that running solves my problems, but they do feel lighter when i get back.
thank-you for being so open and honest with your truth. it encourages me to be open about mine!
Running with you buddy. It’s the only thing somedays that keep it under control.
Love and hugs to you and Jess. xo
At first I thought I was going to write about Aidan’s recovery process, but then I saw the question at the end and Gene’s response and well, here I am. I excercise daily, eat write, take supplements and seemingly do all the right things I tell each and every patient to do. Accept share the deepest part of myself, the fears and often debilitating worries. Not sure I ever will, or can. As you know I often quote KG, “Anything is possible”, well even sharing MY fears, someday maybe.
I have always said (ever since I started) that running is my therapy. Specially when Sophie has one of those days (lately very often). My quiet times, my runs out at the lake, my walkies with Max… all of them help me recharge my energy and find the patience to keep on going.
I am glad you have that kind of “therapy” also 🙂
xoxo
mate – reading your posts feels like I’m looking in the mirror, everyday wondering are we don’t the right things for Josh, are we doing everything we can, where will he end up, when will the Dragon strike next (we call his Autism the Dragon after an article we read and its how we explain it to his brother) – the Dragon is always there and you can never tell whether it is sound asleep or just waiting for prey! I started running again for the same reasons – to take control back over something, to be healthier, fitter, dump some of the stress and worry out on the road, Chris (my wifes) runs with me now a couple of times a week – so that we can both be healthier and be around for our boys for a very, very long time.
Love your posts – keep ’em coming and thanks for sharing!
Cheers from down under! Paul
I run to manage stresses in life and for the sense of accomplishment. Good post Luau
Such a beautiful family you have. They are so lucky to have you. I know your running helps you so much, hugs to you