There’s been a lot of videos on social media lately, reversing the roles of men and women in every day society. Very often they are done in a humorous way to showcase just how idiotic and sexist men can be. I find them entertaining, even a little educating. They do a good job of showing perspective without directly attacking a man’s ego.
The comments that usually accompany these posts however, are a completely different story. They can be nasty, mean, full of anger. I can’t say that I totally understand because I am not a woman and to a certain degree can never walk in a woman’s shoes. – metaphorically speaking anyway.
But I’ve got a couple anecdotes I would like to share:
When Katie was an infant I walked into a hardware store with her in a stroller. At the counter, the young college aged woman looked at me and asked, “are you baby sitting today?”
I said, “no, I’m not the babysitter.” Her head tilted. Her brow furrowed. A light bulb went off.
“Oh! You’re a nanny!”
I walked out without a word.
***
Several years back I took my then very young kids into a Starbucks. This was before we knew about Brooke’s autism, before we (both Jess, Katie, I and Brooke) had the tools to help her more easily cope and engage her environment. It had been a difficult night with a late night feeding. I had let Jess sleep because she needed to be at work early the following morning. As I struggled with both girls, a couple of women behind me in line snickered.
“Baby sitting today? Now you know what it’s like for us every day honey.”
I stood and turned. Ironically, she and her friend were without children. I looked her right in the eye.
“I. Am. Not. The. Babysitter. I am their father and I am a stay at home dad.”
They didn’t say another word to me.
This has happened to me on a steady, regular basis, in some form, for almost 13 years. What it comes down to for me is this – snarky, even nasty comments about micro-aggressions aren’t productive. Do I think men need to learn a thing or two?
Absolutely.
Based on my experience, so does the other half of society.
Run Luau Run 
True! Very true! Being guilty of “man-bashing” once in awhile myself, I see your point! (Bashing mostly as it pertains to my life, not men in general. Usually 🙂 good point though!
Great article. Perhaps in another 40 years the world will catch up. I know a few stay at home dads and they are amazing just as I am sure you are. I follow Jess’s blog so I know what a great Daddy/Husband you are.
I’ve never thought of dads as babysitters, but as equal partners with their wives–we all have different skill sets–my husband and I have our own relationship and way of dealing with our three–and my way is not better than his. We work to our strengths and our children are better for it.
Even if they are not stay-at-home Dads, they are not “baby-sitting” – I remember when Z was months old I was going somewhere and his father said he was going to “baby-sit.” I turned around and said, “No, this is your son so for you it is called parenting.”
looking back on the post I realize I didn’t make that clear…stay at home dad or working dad, it’s still not baby sitting…
You are a wonderful, loving, observant and amazing father. It’s parenting not babysitting.
Love you guys!!
My husband is a stay at home dad too, and my sons, now 17 and 20 benefitted greatly frome it. He is a wonderful father and much better at managing daily kid des asters than I ever was! He loved being home with them when the were little. We should all be in the jobs we are best at! And kids are so lucky when BOTH parents take an equal role in raising them!
Women who make assumptions about men’s ability to care for children simply because of their gender are not feminists. They are the opposite of feminists.