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The Struggle…

The moment my foot hit the pavement I knew this was going to be a struggle.

***

It had been a long day of errands, housecleaning, refereeing the kids, dealing with local PTO politics, picking up dog poop, shuttling the kids back and forth services and extacurriculars…

…the family had been fed, dishes were done, the kitchen resembled a distant cousin of clean…

…the kids were tucked in, Jess was on her way to what I hoped was not a fitful sleep…

I had 10 miles in front of me.

I was tired, frustrated and beaten by the day.

***

The moment my foot hit the pavement I knew this was going to be a struggle.

***

As I almost silently moved through my neighborhood, mash ups of Journey & Lady Gaga, the Smiths & Beyoncé, Kelly Clarkson & Michael Jackson, the Rolling Stones & Adele playing through my earbuds, I thought of the Brooke’s new diagnosis of Rolandic Epilepsy; I thought of Jess and Katie and how they often reflect and amplify the stress and anxiety they each feel on a daily basis – both a blessing and a burden.

The thoughts kept rolling in and then rolling out of my head as I moved from one neighborhood to the other.

The struggle was coming.

Just as I reached the other side of our town center, I hit 2.5 miles – halfway to halfway I thought.  The next 2.5 miles would be on a straight, hilly stretch of road – one of my favorite places to run.

As the tunes kept playing, my mind kept wandering.  What happened to the fairy tale?  Why are all three of my girls struggling so much?  Why do they have to struggle?  Why does everything have to cost so much? Where are the answers?  I attacked the hills as if THEY were the issues my girls were dealing with. If only it were so easy.

***

As I rapidly approached the mile 5 marker of my run, the struggle came – what if I just kept going?  what if I just kept running?  what if I didn’t turn around?  what if I just ran forever?

Part of me, the boy in me, the 16 year old without a care in the world wanted to just run; run for the hills; run into the proverbial sunset; run away with the circus…

Yes, the moment my feet hit the pavement I knew this was going to be a struggle – this point in time.  As my watch beeped to tell me it was time to turn around I thought of Forrest Gump…

Run Forrest Run…

…Run Luau Run…

…run away…

…just run away…away…away…

unpopular-forrest-running

***

I let the fantasy linger for a moment…

no responsibilities, no demands, nothing but the open road and the sound of my two feet softly beating in rhythm beneath me…

***

…and then I turned for home.

Home…where I am needed, where I am loved, where I belong.

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