Babies make me cry. They really do. They often make Brooke cry because she has an incredibly difficult time tolerating the piercing sounds that come out of those tiny creatures. I know they make some adults cry for the same reason.
But for me, I cry for a very different reason. When I see a baby I can’t help but be brought back in time, nearly 9 1/2 years ago when Brooke was the same age, laying in her crib, sitting in my lap, flopped over in her carseat.
I would look at her in the same way I would look at Katie when she was that age – I would look at her knowing that the possibilities were endless for this beautiful creature that lay before me.
I would play the next 10 to 15 years out in my head; a beautiful fairy tale; sisters who were best friends; soccer games; competitive gymnastics; stage productions; the mayor and future mayor of their school; loads of friends, parties and play dates; straight A students; the talk of the town…
Of course, life threw us a curveball.
…now I watch as gaggles of chatty girls go by; play dates and parties are rare occasions; the soccer games don’t exist and the gymnastics is more for fun; the sisters struggle with each other (though they most definitely love each other)…
***
Truth is, our futures, no matter who you are, rarely turn out the way we imagine they will. Autism, however, didn’t just nudge us on to a different path…it landed us in a completely different dimension of space-time.
We’ve made our way; we’ve found joy, sometimes even in the face of sadness; we’ve managed to relentlessly push forward, even when it feels like we are sliding backward. We struggle, just like so many, but we that is okay.
It is nothing like what I was expecting; I don’t think I even had a conceptual understanding of what lay before me.
…and that is why, when I see a baby, I cry.
3…
2…
1…
…nearly 10 years ago…
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