Run Luau Run

I sit here in my office tonight watching Brooke run back and forth on the runner, simultaneously running through every one of her scripts.

Both Jess and Katie are out tonight. I ask Brooke if there is anything she wants to do.

Would you like to watch a movie?

I don’t know.

Would you like to play a game?

I don’t know.

Would you like me to read you a story?

I don’t know.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, Brooke sometimes uses I don’t know as a polite way to say No.

And so we script and script and script.

After a while she takes a break to watch some of her favorite YouTube videos.

And I wonder.

***

I try to eat fairly well – lots of veggies, meat, full fat dairy, maybe less starchy food than I used to.

I don’t run nearly as much as I used to.  Truth is, the last year has seen very little running; but I do try to stay active – I kind of have to considering the business I am in.  No one wants to hire an out of shape trainer. 

Bottom line is I’m taking pretty good care of myself.

Why? 

As parents, we talk about wanting to see our children graduate from High School, then College.  We look forward to celebrating our child’s wedding to whomever they choose.  We anticipate a day when we will relive the miracle of parenthood by becoming grandparents.  Our child’s first adult job? His or her first promotion? The first apartment? The purchase of a home? All of these things we see years, decades before they actually happen.  

As parents, we are hopefully doing what we can to be there for those things.  A balanced diet and regular exercise, along with quality sleep, are our tools for getting there to be there.

But I wonder.

***

This morning, on our way to school, Brooke told me that she hopes to get married some day. 

You do?

She then went into a script about marrying someone you love but that isn’t your family!

And I wondered.

This afternoon I stumbled on to Brooke’s report card for this past term.  She is getting A’s,  B’s and C’s, but I’m not sure what that means in a sub-separate class.  

And I wondered.

This evening, as she runs back and forth on the runner, squealing and scripting, there is a part of me that wonders…

Will there be a high school graduation?

Will college even be an option?

What happens when she turns 22?

Will she be able to handle a steady job?

Will she be able to live independently?

Will she be able to pursue her dreams?

Love? Marriage? Motherhood? Are they in the cards she has been dealt?

I know things change over the course of time. Brooke has come a long, long way over the course 8 years.  A lot can happen over the next 6.

But right now, today, I know I can’t afford to not take care of myself…at least not for the foreseeable future.

I originally started to write this post as a call to arms to get those of you who might not be carving out the time to eat a little better and move a little better to do so.  I do think it’s important.  If we let ourselves go to pieces, who will take care of our little ones?  

But writing this evening has led me down a weird path.  Jess likes to call it the Rabbit Hole, where one thought leads to another and you end up overthinking things and getting lost.

Have I been staying healthy for things that may not come? Do I need to double down on staying healthy because those thing may never come?

Perhaps right now, I just need to put down my  mobile device, climb out of the rabbit hole and go snuggle with Brooke.