I could blame it on my focus on getting my personal training and boot camp business up and running.
I could blame it on my studies for a nutrition certification.
I could blame it on the weird pain I’ve been suffering through in my left foot.
I’m sure if I really thought about it, I could find a lot of reasons.
But if I’m going to be honest with myself (and with you), I have to simply admit, I haven’t been motivated.
I have a half-marathon next weekend, a full marathon and a 100-miler in October.
Bay State (the marathon) was supposed to be my attempt to return to Boston. Ghost Train (the 100-miler) was supposed to be my attempt to go sub-24 hours.
After watching my social media feed back in April, as many of you ran a glorious Boston Marathon, I got excited. I got psyched. I was pumped at the prospect of running a competitive (for me) marathon and getting myself back to the starting line in Hopkinton. With the added 10 minutes allotted to me because of my impending age bracket change, I knew I had it in the bag.
I bought new shoes (Go Mebs).
I announced my plans.
I pulled out my calendar and worked my way back from October to determine my base building runs and then my Bay State specific runs.
I planned it out.
My early morning runs.
My late night runs.
I was going back to Boston…
.
.
.
…and then I wasn’t.
My calendar began to fill. Early morning runs became a problem. With 6AM clients, 4 to 5 days a week, I was already getting up at 4:30AM to prepare. Late night runs became a problem for the same reason. You can’t give your clients your best on only 4 hours of sleep. I was studying at night. My feet were (are) suffering from an undetermined ailment. The list could go on and on.
Honestly though, those are just excuses. The fact is, as excited as I initially was to run both Bay State and Ghost Train, that motivation abandoned me at the first hurdle I faced. Perhaps I really didn’t want to run, I merely wished I could. We make priorities in life in part because there are only 24 hours in a day. We make choices. Maybe it a day was 30 hours, I would have found the time…maybe…probably, the results would have been the same.
At this point, if it isn’t obvious, I will not be running Bay State in an attempt to qualify for Boston. I may still run it, depending on my feet, but it will be simply to enjoy a long run through the town of Lowell, MA. Ghost Train is out of the question. Attempting to run 100 miles on zero training would be foolish. As for Boston 13.1, which happens next weekend, I am not sure. Like Bay State, we’ll see how the feet hold up over the next week.
Run Luau Run 
For a very long time, I was willing to give up sleep to do a second job, fulfill other commitments I had made, etc. In retrospect, that was a bit stupid because it only made for a less prepared “me” during the “main job” part of the day and who knows what my lack of rest stole from my body from a recovery standpoint or my family from an “emotional availability” standpoint. You will always have my admiration — I know you are in this place with your running right now that only you can come to grips with but know you’ve got a bunch of support out here! And I’d do your boot camps in a heartbeat if I was in your town!
If it were important to you, you would find the time for training and find the time for treating your foot. I’ve battled a busy summer schedule of work, family commitments, and plantar fasciiti. I’ve stayed on track by icing and massaging my foot everyday, cycling, and running at odd hours. Get it done Luau!
It is difficult to find just the right balance in life. You are smart to reassess where you are and set some new goals as you need! Go For It!
Late to the the conversation (and was just looking for your updates on dailymile…) I’ve been going through the – Why can’t i do everything? Full time student affairs job that has late hours, new mom to two boys on the spectrum entering teendom (do not get me started on the puberty, testosterone and mustaches IN ADDITION to navigating two teams of teachers) oh – an my dissertation (just passed proposal). And I run in the mornings so i don’t strangle anyone. So, truth be told, I’m seeing my counselor again JUST TO KEEP MY HEAD IN THE GAME. You are amazing. You are human. I’m working on giving me a little permission to BE (just as I’m learning to parent and love two kids who are unique) and not just DO. (Are our kids defined by what they do or who they are? Can you apply the same metric to yourself?) It’s not excuses. It’s pacing.
Hugs and be gentle on yourself. You’ll be asskicking again soon.
Love after love – by D Wolcott
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another; who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.