Dear Cheryl,
I’m supposed to be hitting the books right now. I’m in the review stage of my studying, making sure I know what I need to know for the upcoming CSCS exam. I cannot wait to get certified. It’s been the big reason why I have taken a break from this blog…from writing, really.
But then I saw this today:
Now, as many of my readers are well aware, I am a health nut – I encourage regular exercise and a diet that is well balanced, high on the fruits & veggies, low on the refined sugar and chemicals, but this I found to be completely offensive on so many levels. Let’s forget about the fact that you should have proofread your note before printing off copies, there are so many things wrong with what you are doing:
1. You have no idea whether or not there are any underlying issues with a child who is overweight. There could be medical issues, medication issues among others. The child could be going through puberty, which, though a completely natural process, can wreak havoc on the body while it is happening.
2. The fact that you are giving some kids candy, but denying treats to the “fat one” is, well, mind boggling.
3. Even if a child is obese simply due to eating Doritos and Twinkies every day, singling out a child from his or her group of friends is completely inappropriate. Which brings me to…
4. You are, no matter how good your intentions are, a bully, plain and simple. Through your actions you are essentially pointing your finger at every overweight child and saying, “Hey YOU! Fat kid! Yeah, that’s right, I called you fat, you Fatty McFatster!” You try to dress it up with “my hope is that you will step up as a parent and…blah, blah, blah,” but scratch under the surface and you are doing nothing other than making a child feel bad about who he or she is.
For you to selectively decide which kids meet your concept of fit (and therefore deserving of candy) as opposed to those that are fat (therefore undeserving of candy) is both sanctimonious and mean.
But let’s talk about the Village concept, shall we Cheryl? My town has recently lost two troubled souls to suicide. What do you think is going to happen to the kids that get singled out? Who thereafter get teased by their friends incessantly? I’m gonna tell you something – kids who are overweight, KNOW that they are overweight. They don’t need you to draw public scrutiny of their shape to be made aware of that. Your actions could potentially result in a precious child taking his or her own life because you decided to bully and tease – that’s one of the possible results of bullying you self-righteous bitch.
You want to help make your village better and healthier? How about you just turn off your porch light on Halloween and not hand out ANY candy? How about you hand out healthful snacks that every kid will throw away to everyone? How about you help start an after school program that encourages movement and healthful eating? How about you volunteer at a teen crisis center? or a homeless shelter? or a town beautification program?
Better yet, how about you just get the fuck out of our collective Village?
We don’t need bullies. We don’t need mean people. We don’t need you.
Don’t be surprised to wake up on November 1st with a lifetime supply of toilet paper in your yard…that, and maybe a year’s worth of eggs.
Good luck with your notes.
Sincerely,
Luau
Run Luau Run 
Yet, she will not see herself wrong in any way no matter what you say. Shameful.
Sad truth, that.
Holy Cow! I have not replied to this “person” because I could not write anything” politically correct”. Thank you Lu for writing exactly what I felt, cuss words and all and for telling me it’s OK to let what truly needs to be said, SAID!!!!!!!!!!
Agree with your statements! That woman’s letter is irresponsible, unproductive, negative and could have severe repercussions for some kids. She is part of the problem—not part of the solution. You mentioned so many ways that could positively and productively work toward helping others, not hurting. Nicely done!
I could not love this post more.
Couldn’t have said it better!
Well done. Well done.
Bravo!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU…. shared.
Reblogged this on DragonMommie's World and commented:
I’ve not written an original piece in a while, but when I read this, I felt I really needed to reblog. I could not have responded better by a long shot. Thanks so much for taking the time to articulate in such a well written, and civilized way what so many of us felt we could not.
Maybe someone could offer to redeem each letter from this lady for a super-size Snickers bar
Thanks for calling this ridiculous woman out for what she is: a bully.
okay i only need to read the 1st line of number 1. that is complete and utter bullshit. if there were medical reasons for people being fat. then why was is in roman times only the rich were “fat”???? i have personal experience with being fat.. i was about 180 not even 5 feet tall in the 6th grade.. why? because i wouldn’t get off my lazy ass and do things. i just sat inside all day playing video games. but you wanna know what happened when i did get off my ass and do things and walk around instead of being driven every where i lost about 30 pounds. i am 23 about 5’10 and am down to about 150.(fyi i got down to about 150 pounds in the 8th grade. and no it wasn’t dew to just growing if i had keep doing what i was doing i would probably be 250 pounds today) parents who let there kid get to what Dr. consider obese should have there kids taken away from them until they can prove they can provide them with a healthy life style. and its 100% the parents fault and society’s fault for saying that people are being mean.. if your kid dose not have any friends oh well tell them to go for a walk. go in the woods make a fort. do any thing and if they refuse and just sit and watch tv all day or is on the internet shut the dam things off.. im sick and tired of people feeling bad for fat people.. oh its not there fault.. oh they cant help it.. complete bull shit they can there just to dam lazy!!!!!!
Matt –
Are you sure about your comment about Roman times? Additionally, you may want to do a little research on what certain medications can do to a person’s body. Yes, there are certain situations that are blatant parental neglect, but I can tell you that I know of several people personally who put on weight due to medications they were taking. Now, you may say they shouldn’t take the medications then, but then you are making assumptions about someone you know absolutely nothing about – depression, schizophrenia, manic-depression…those among many other are often treated with medications that either slow the metabolism down or increase appetite or lower energy levels. To make the assumption that these (or others) are lazy is presumptuous. I hope that you never find yourself being judged so harshly by someone who knows nothing about you as you are judging anyone who is overweight.
id say the people you are talking about is maybe 20% of the usa and in kids probably even less.. i personally have been depressed for years upon years. i have been bullied my nick name in high school was waist of space and i don’t believe its right to seek medication for that at such a young age. its on the parent to teach them how to deal with such things in a better manor then just going to the Dr. and getting drugs to make you feel better (don’t believe me ask any one in Marquette senior high school.. who Matt ward is and then ask them who waist is see witch one they know me by.) but that’s all besides the point.. for a kid at age 8 to weight close to 100 pounds.. in witch most cases things like schizophrenia depression and diabetes are not normally factors. so there is low medication factor is just appalling to me. my grandfather is schizophrenic. and he dose weight a bit more.. but when i ask him about it.. he sais the reason he weighs so much is because he dislikes going out side around people. but hes almost 60. hes lived his life, its when i see kids at age 10 weighing more then me that it just becomes sad. and yes i am positive about my comment about roman times.. only the wealthy were fat because they were the only ones who could afford the amounts of food to make them fat… AND to add to your comment about the meds that can slow your metabolism they tell you this in the Dr. office if not its usually on the bottle. make adjustments to you life to work out more.. for those with increased appetite do the same.. for those that cause lower energy go get some caffeine pills.. they already are taking drugs for some reason. one more pill a day wont hurt none(in most cases) iv never had much of parental guidance in my life and i was not one to talk about how i was feeling (witch is on me) i went threw life learning things on my own.. what happened to my body was my fault.. (in my eyes) but when i look back on why things happened to me the way the did with things as my weight gain well lets put it this way if i had gotten this letter when i was over weight it would have motivated me to do something about it sooner.. and if not me i hope it would have made my parents open there eyes about my food consumption and my lazy habits and i would have hoped they would have done something about it.. not get mad at the person who realized i was maybe a bit over weight but instead look at why i weighed so much and what they could do to help me get to a healthy weight. not just put it off and blame other people or things instead of manning up and taking responsibility over me as there child. in fact that is the problem i see with us today. we do not take responsibility any more. and its always some one else’s fault for the problems in our life
Matt,
Congrats on your weight loss. I’m sure you are a much more beautiful soul because of it. The light just shines right out of you! I do, however, suggest you re-take high school (heck, let’s try 5th grade) grammar. You see, while you may be a perfect size and shape, unlike the horrible fat people of the world, your command of the English language is just unacceptable. Consider this my notice in your Halloween bag! I know you will appreciate my unsolicited opinion. I’ll add that you might want to take an actual class in anatomy and physiology, maybe even pharmacology while you’re at it, before you simply explain why people are fat. I’m sure this will be a piece of cake (oops, a pun) because you are clearly a superior human being. Again, congrats for being perfect…..well, except for the grammar thing but, maybe, by pointing this out to you, you’ll work on it.
Regards,
Jen
P.S. My favorite was “dew” instead of “due”! That just cracked me up! I’m sure you already know the difference and were just testing us. Good one!
Can’t speak…laughing too hard….
Brilliant response, I loved the “dew” cracker also! X
Oh, Matthew Ward, you are an ignorant fool. Although a very slim one, I have no doubt! I’m sure that that is all that matters to you in life anyway. I hope you never have to face a medical condition that causes you to put on weight in spite of an active lifestyle.
Wow! Sounds like there are some unresolved issues in regards to your weight. I’m glad you were able to get healthy! That’s a great accomplishment.
Assuming that “all” who are overweight are “lazy” is pretty sad. You’re tired of people feeling sorry for fat people. Well, you can control your behavior and emotions, but it sounds as though you are wanting to control that of others, which is a bit self-centered. Not everyone thinks as you do or has the same experience. That doesn’t make their ideas or their experiences lesser than yours. There are people who struggle with weight due to many things – depression, medication, Cushing’s, thyroid abnormalities, issues with hormones, and even genetic differences. Those are just a few examples that scratch the surface. Sure, there are aome parents who just let their kids sit around and do nothing. Then, there are those who do lead an active, healthy lifestyle and STILL struggle. There is more to people’s stories than meets the eye.
I can’t help but wonder if some of the anger and resentment you feel is from your own experience. I have struggled with my weight as well, but, even at my fittest, I always remember the journey. It’s been a battle of health issues for me including depression. Have I ever been made fun of because of my weight? Yes. But, I have come to learn that the harsh words (which is what you and the author of the letter are spewing) usually come from a place of pain or frustration from personal experiences. I really hope that you will reach a point where you are able to share your ideas in a manner that isn’t so insulting (and, hopefully, includes better spelling and grammar) so that your ideas and concern for people come off as that instead of hatred and disdain for people who, I guess to you(?), represent a rough time in your life.
I wish you more joy in your journey and a hope that you will take more time to know people rather than judge them based on physical appearance and assumptions you have made up in your head.
Matthew Ward,
I am addressing you by name so as not to have my comment confused. Having been one of those fat kids all my life I beg to differ. In my preteens and teens I was very active. We didn’t have the option of sitting on our behinds playing video games. I ran, I walked, more sit ups and push ups than a enlisted man. I starved myself on diet after diet while my thinner siblings ate whatever they pleased. Yet I stayed overweight. I finally lost some weight 4 years ago only to be pur on a perscription med. that caused me to regain it. So to say weight has nothing to do with medical issues is an insult to myself as well as millions of people with diabetes, thyriod problems, and a long list of other problems. Please keep your bs to yourself if bs is all you have to say.
christy. i was not talking about kids in there teens its the 4-10 year old who are twice the adverage weight and in most cases that have no other reason to be so big other then there life habits. and i apologize for any offence and i have re-written my statement to accommodate for such factors
You paint with a very broad paintbrush – you would still blame the 20% (or less as you pointed out) that are blameless? How does that help improve the lives of those kids making them fight a battle that they can’t win? Yes, we need to tackle the issue of childhood obesity – I’ve written about it many times here on Run Luau Run, but a. doing so at the expense of others (those 20%) is unacceptable and b. shaming has been shown over and over again to do more harm than good in the majority of children. You and the rest of us are just going to have to agree to disagree – and as for there not being any fat Romans who were poor, did you know that the gladiators (who did not sit around playing video games, I’m pretty sure of that) were generally overweight and even obese?
and they were generally overweight and obese because there SLAVE owners wanted them big n tough
Right…which makes the point that it wasn’t just rich Romans who were fat. My point in this Matt is that both you and Cheryl paint with a very wide brush – IF there are only 20% that are overweight due to medical circumstances, heck, let’s even argue only 10%, are we to wash away their humanity and dignity because you don’t want to take the time to distinguish between the two? The IS an obesity problem in this country, there is no denying that; people have become too sensitive, there is no denying that; sometimes tough love is the best love, again, there is no denying that; HOWEVER, shaming is nowhere near as productive as positive reinforcement. Those who use shame to get their message across are just as guilty of laziness as the ones they are accusing of being lazy. Shaming someone is easy; lifting them up with a friendly hand and a smile and pushing them in the right direction…THAT is what we should all be doing.
Again, I think you and I ultimately must simply agree to disagree. Best of luck on your continuing journey of self-improvement.
okay ill agree to disagree but how do you help some one when they get offended you tried to help them.. believe me iv tried. but when u try to tell some one they may be obese do you know what happens all of a sudden your a horrible person and your made out to be some one who is judgmental and cruel and hate full. so why if im trying to help some people should i stand for this. if the reactions to my ether helpful comments in my eyes. i.e. (hey iv noticed you have put on some weight maybe you should try to do some thing about it) or the harsh comments i.e. ( you know every one whos fat is just a lazy ass hole) if the reactions to both are going to be the exact same. why should i chose to be “nice” and beet around the bush when no matter what im just going to be made out as a hateful bastard? and fyi i have yet to ever hear about a 4-10 year old gladiator (in witch this whole thing is about)
Lead by example my friend…maybe drop into casual conversation some workouts that you do while going about your every day business, invite your overweight friends to a game of paintball, encourage then to join you in a fund raiser 5K (emphasizing the fund raiser)…it can be a slow process of pulling someone off of the couch, but if it happens in a positive manner, the habits continue. And why be nice vs mean if you get the same reaction? Why not? If for nothing else, for your own health…smiling burns more calories than frowning – scientifically proven fact! Be patient with your friends…
im usually a very nice and generous person. but one can only be put down so many times trying to handle things in a nice way before they just stop trying to help in general. so lets just say the entire world tried to help in a nice way. but time after time the obese population just keep getting more offended and lashing out calling those trying to help judgmental ect. that the world IS just gunna get tired of it and stop tying to help. thus solving nothing at all. and in the end making it “ok” to be obese as if theres nothing wrong with it… this next part is going in caps so people read it
IM NOT SAYING EVERY ONE WHO IS OBESE IS TO BLAME I REALIZE THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT PEOPLE CANT CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the only helpful advise i can give is walk every where or ride a bike dont drive and say your trying because when i was tired of being obese i walked EVERY WHERE. so living 10 miles outta town uk what that ment a fun 2 hr power walk. so dont sit there and tell me because if you tried you would see results
AGAIN NOT TOWARDS THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE MEDICAL ISSUES THEY CANT HELP!!!!!!!!!
And how are you or Cheryl supposed to determine which is which? By looking at them? By looking at their families, who probably share medical issues (you know, genetics?) And I find the voices opposing the general attitude of fat-shaming in this country, and throughout the internet, are those who have those issues, and are sick, tired, and downright angry about being treated with disrespect and scorn, as being heaped with this shame everywhere they turn, every day of their lives. For those without What you deem an appropriate medical issue, it really is none of your business; just because you can see the evidence of another’s faults and coping issues doesn’t give you the right to judge them more harshly than those who can effectively hide their issues or use “invisible means” of coping or can hide their “bad habits.”
amanda by simply asking.. why get soo offended from some one asking why your over weight if in the end they may be trying to help. how can u judge the persons intentions? you cant not until they have been complete. and ill leave you all with this. I am a smoker i chose to smoke i enjoy how it relaxes me. yes i know i may die sooner but i dont get offended when people shun me call me tar lungs tell me im going to die b4 my children are boren.. if you use some thing to cope and something bad happens from it dont get offended when people bring it up.
I understand what you are trying to convey here, Matthew, but I just want to help you understand something very important without blaming you for simply not being aware. Because if my life had been different, I may have the very same opinion as you and the letter writer, who knows.
When I was younger, I was a very active, healthy, happy, little girl. Even winning Miss Texas Spring Beauty in 1983! My children still cherish the trophy to this day. Those were the days before pageants were about making little girls look like mini-over made up adults. I had friends at school I loved, a puppy who I would chase for hours outside, and a younger brother and sister who looked up to me.
When I was 10, I was diagnosed with a condition that required I take a medication called Prednisone to help save my life. I went from a cute, active little girl to a very sick, swollen, patient. My parents were always concerned with my demeanor so I always pretended to be very happy but I felt cooped up and bored. I began to get picked on at school and my friends didn’t want to stay inside at recess to keep me company. I no longer had anyone to play with, but I had thing to look forward to. I had quite an imagination. Like other little girls, I wanted to be Cinderella, or a fairy princess, or Barbie and these fantasies got me through these tough times.
I recall Halloween very well. I got to dress up as a fairy princess after all and my mother even let me wear make up for the first time! I couldn’t tolerate much food, and knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy much candy but I really was looking forward to trick or treating. My parents and brother and sister and I were able to forget that I was sick for that evening and it was wonderful.
However, if I had gotten that letter from that lady it would have devastated me. If someone like you would have voiced your idea of ‘tough love’ and made me feel as if what had happened to me was my parents or my fault you would have killed the innocence of my childhood forever. I had my pessimistic and sunny outlook until my final declaration of remission, but if I had been confronted by such an unkind, unfeeling, near sociopathic person as this lady I would not have killed myself but it would have killed my spirit, no doubt.
There is a quote I would like you to think about the next time you feel it might be your duty to inform someone of what is best for them in the future:
“Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting their own battle.” ~ Plato
Until you know the whole story of the battle, please keep your comments to yourself unless it is pure kindness.
– Christine
Matt,
You are cordially invited to kiss my big, fat ass.
I would rather raise fat children who have a scrap of compassion than ever raise a self-obsessed, cruel, illiterate jackoff like you. Being overweight does not make anyone a bad person. It just makes them overweight. But being a judgemental prick makes them . . . YOU.
Hey, guy….ever heard of…hmmmmm…that thing called a thyroid? Some people have problems with those. You should look it up.
Yes in Roman times being plump and soft was considered a sign of wealth The same goes for a pale complexion in other time periods.
However you shouldn’t use this to justify your opinion as you do. It shows you do not have all the knowledge to back that claim. It is, infact, medically proven that some people have thyroid problems that effect their weight either one way or another. Also, some medications have side effects which include weight gain. I know someone who takes bi-polar medication and as a result he gained some weight.
Also, some people have metabolism problems. These are but a few reasons one could gain a pound or two.
This doesn’t excuse other people from not taking initiative and exercising if they truly feel uncomfortable with their weight, and its super-awesome that you got motivated and made a life decision that made you a healthier individual, but not all “fat people” are fat by choice.
I suggest becoming better informed.
and to add i applaud the person who included this note to the bigger kids and didn’t give them candy.. if this had happened to me i probably would of got off my ass sooner then i did.
Luau, there is no arguing with this person. Let it go and realize that the majority see where you are coming from.
Congratulations on your weight loss Mr. Ward, too bad you didn’t do something about your ignorance and inner self loathing. Get some education and some therapy. Seriously. You prove the point that you can’t judge a package by its wrappings. After all, dog shit wrapped in a cute little blue box with a pretty ribbon, is still dog shit! By the way, thin does not always equal healthy and overweight does not always equal lazy with poor diet.
and for those of you who cant understand my contents i shall pray for your children.. in that if by some chance other then genetics or medication they are obese, i pray that they will have a parent who wont just go around finding things to blame but actually try to do something about it. in witch my entire argument is based on.. you call me ignorant and apparently you know me and can judge me but because i chose to use some harsh words all of a sudden u find it okay to judge some one you dont even know.. just wondering and some one tell me if im wrong but dew to that fact are you not all being hypocritical? are you not all yelling at me for doing exactly what your doing to me?
Buddy, you could make your case so much better if you simply used capital letters and proper English. No one is going to take you seriously if you can’t demonstrate the ability to spell. I’m not saying this to criticize you. I really am trying to help.
Oh Susannah 🙂 You posted right before me and I swear I wasn’t trying to repeat what you said, lol! Great minds just happen to think alike!!
No problem. Like you said, great minds. 🙂
You might want to resist participating in the comments section until you learn proper grammar and spelling. No matter how compelling your arguement is (it’s not), it will not be taken seriously if you can’t figure out the basics of writing.
There is nothing more twisted than a person who has experienced the tortures of a bully, defending the actions of a bully. You, my dear, have a skewed perception of humanity if you truly believe that cruelness equates to kindness simply because certain folks are “lazy”. Your acceptance of what happened to you, and your insistence that if people had been meaner (ie: put a note about fat kids not eating candy in your trick-or-treat bag) you would have a actually done something about your weight, is not only total bullshit, but a dangerous message to send.
It is much more respectable and kind to assume that we DON’T know what’s best for someone else, and even more so when we mind our own damn business.
ill bring this up again.. i have tried being nice and get treated the same way.. why should i take being put down when im trying to help.. and after such failed efforts i no longer see any reasons why i should be nice when im just going to be meet with tthe same harshness eather way. there not going to be nice when i ask them why should i be nice when i point it out
I’m sorry, were you being nice? Because all I’ve read is you calling bullshit on the fact that some people have actual medical reasons for being overweight, then backtracking with a “don’t pick on me! ” attitude when folks told you how horribly wrong you are. Hypocrisy is claiming there is nothing wrong with bullying, then throwing a fit because you are now being “bullied”. Hiding behind the idea that you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes, because parents should know better, doesn’t make you any less of a hypocrite.
You are so full of answers, yet can’t seem to clarify why this blatant hypocrisy is ok. So I ask you straight up…. do you really believe that you would be doing a child a favor by singling them out and ridiculing their appearance? And if so, why do you believe that you and other people who, (in your own words) have no idea what kind of life that child lives, have the right to do such a thing? Who the hell are you to take it upon yourself to “bully” someone into living a healthier lifestyle?? Why can’t you and the author of that horrific note pay mind to your own lives, which I’m positive isn’t even close to perfect because we are all messed up in our own ways, and MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS??
“Before you judge me, make sure your hands are clean. ” ~Bob Marley
Don’t you dare pray for my children, Mr Ward.
Let me tell you abut a family friend who was a chubby litle girl. I don’t know if it was due to medical reaons or habits, nor do I care. She was harassed daily by her parents, her siblings, her teachers — publicly shamed by people who thought they were helping. By her teenage years, she was thin. She was beautiful. She was also anorexic, and she died at 16 because of it.
When she died, do you know what her mother said? “At least she got to be thin for a while.”. The message: better to have a slim dead daughter than a living fat one.
I’ll bet you agree with that mother, don’t you?
no in fact i believe her parents should be punished. as a parent you have one job in this world to take care of you child.. i can garente you that if she had suport from her family she would still be here today.. abuse from ones own family is 1,000,000 times worse then that of peers(in my eyes any ways) and if ones child is getting harassed by others is also there job to teach there child reasonable ways to deal with it. and if its over the top. I.E. “you should just go kill yourself fattie” ect. get the police involved to deal with such harassment, just because i have a view on something that is differant then yours dont you ever think you know how i feel about things or who i am
i was almost in the exact same boat as your family friend except i had the love and support of my family no matter what. yes my nick name in high school was waist of space.. that even teachers called me by this name..(also explained in earlyer comment fyi) and even when i started to get to thin my family showed me how much they cared by making shur i wasnt doing any thing harmful to achieve such goals.
again MR A.J. Goode dont ever think you know me because just like your family friend you have no idea the real struggles iv gone threw in my life
“all of a sudden u find it okay to judge some one you don’t even know”
I guess I find it ironic that you have become hurt by people who have no idea who you are or your circumstances. Imagine that!
the point is. in a blog that’s point its mainly don’t judge some one you don’t know. and it was only the author of this blog that has actually said “okay i see where your coming from, even tho you formed your opinion in a harsh manor, that you do actually have a point” (was paraphrasing fyi) every one else has just attacked me so to say(witch i dont really blame them) but for people who are behind not judging people all of a sudden because i share a view that is not the same as theres its okay to judge me and attack me.. the point im getting at is every one is judging me while saying there backing up a blog about not judging people
I understand that, but the initial argument concerns CHILDREN. Children who do not understand societies expectations and are unable to adequately defend themselves against an adult word. By posting a comment against the author’s viewpoint, you could not honestly expect to not receive criticism or judgement, given that you are an adult and are able to steadfastly defend yourself.
just so you know literally you me and the the person this blog contains are the only 3 who realized that. but thank your for pointing that out. because i have comments witch revise my statement and made it not as harsh worded. and im shure we would still be on topic if people hadn’t chose to attack me instead of descusing this. and yes i knew it was going to happen witch is why we got off topic because people chose to not live by there own words and started judging me while LITERALLY telling me its not okay to judge some one at the same time.
I read that note and immediately went, “What the heck? Are you kidding me?” How could someone think this was a good idea? I don’t believe in the “it takes a village” concept. I think it takes two good parents (or one, it doesn’t matter too much). No one has any right to interfere in the parenting of a child that does not belong to them.
so its okay for a parent to let there kid of 8-10 years old smoke crack hell buy it for them. if you say no then you are completely contradicting yourself
I’m sorry, what? What made you think that made sense, Matthew?
you said no one has the right to interfere in the parenting of the child that dose not belong to them. but your okay for kid to get taken away from there parents if he/she is a drunk/drug addict or even abusive (please do know these are some extreme examples but its to get the point across) witch are keen examples of people interfering with the parenting of a child that dose not belong to them.. and yes being obese can be a harm to your child it can cause diabetes all kinds of heart conditions clogged arteries so even tho the examples are in reality far from the same thing, still almost exactly the same at the same time
I don’t even. What a horrible, nasty note. Your points 1-4 are all valid.
*sigh* It makes me so sad to see kids treated this way.
While half of me is fist pumping you for the wording of this post and yelling, “Fuck, yeah!” the other half, the one who calms me down before I slash tires, is whispering, “He’s bullying the bully. Where does that leave us?”
I agree with all your points, golden pearls all. But you know darned well that they only bounce off when someone has donned their emotional riot gear to do battle. This woman was already zipped up in her gear when she handed those letters out, otherwise she wouldn’t have hidden behind a piece of paper, she would have strapped a pair on and followed those kids home to meet their parents face to face.
I’m wicked accurate with toilet paper and eggs but all it ever did was make me run out of toilet paper and eggs.
Brainstorm #1: next time you’re on the john, enjoying a fresh roll of toilet paper, think about how miserable this woman must be in order to do something so mean to children. Only hurting people hurt.
Brainstorm #2: Next time you’re tucking into some delicious scrambled eggs, remember how people don’t see the world the way it is, they only see it the way THEY are. Which makes you wonder what her weight was when SHE was a child.
Brainstorm #3: Jog by her house daily and bend over to tighten your shoelaces right in front of her window, Present ass.
I think I’m in love with you. Just sayin’.
I don’t know what that woman hoped to achieve writing such an offensive letter. If she wanted to combat child obesity, why not give every kid a paper detailing obesity statistics and ways and places to get healthy foods and activities? Much less offensive, and probably would’ve been better recieved by the parents of those children.
Reblogged this on fredtroy.
Indeed thin doesn’t always equal health nor does overweight equal unhealthy.
In high school, I weighed 110 pounds, but I didn’t eat so I slept all the time and couldn’t run a block. At 140 pounds, I run, do martial arts, and lift weights.
At 280 pounds, my shorter friend jogged, biked, and walked regularly. She lifted weights and had plenty of energy. After weight loss surgery, she couldn’t run a block, had trouble lifting her groceries, and stopped biking.
As for Matt there, I honestly don’t understand how you guys have read enough of his troll drivel to even comment. It’s written so poorly, it hurts my head to try. Clearly, he should have seen one of those doctors he’s so distrustful of, as he has many unresolved issues.
Well said!
There are a lot of words on this page. A lot of opinions and arguments, excuses and reasonings. What I don’t understand is why there are so many words from so many people because the only discussion anyone needs to have about obesity is very short and sweet.
“MY body is none of YOUR business.”
No further discussion needed.
You raise some good points. I really wish people were listening. I was not in 2003 when I had a stroke. I blogged about it, survived it and took off ninety pounds. I ask you to keep the fight going, as hard as it will be get the word out there. No one is a health nut if they do what is necessary to keep healthy..
can’t really overlook variation in thyroid stimulating hormone. Anyways good work.
I was also furious when I heard about the ‘lady’ that planned to hand out this letter during trick or treat time on Halloween. What a terrible way to treat a child. I have no idea I would react if someone had given my child this letter last night, or me when I was a child.
I was a chubby little girl and took a mild amount of bullying and it wasn’t fun but NEVER by an adult. Regardless, I did grow up to use those comments to help fuel my desire to get healthier and eventually worked hard to overcome the family curse towards a slower metabolism and love of food. I am now a marathon runner/ coach and also enjoy a nice meal and glass of red wine occasionally. It IS all about a healthy balance, after all. 🙂
Your blog is very well written and I am glad you felt moved and angry enough to post this! I want to address one particular point you brought up as it is a subject very close to my heart and that is suicide. I am very sorry to learn of your community losing two people recently to such a painful, sad cause. I am not sure if those losses were found to have been exacerbated by bullying or if there were other triggering factors, although truthfully, most of the time it is not known what the ‘trigger(s)’ may have been. I just want to make note that bullying DOES NOT cause suicide. It can absolutely make an already unstable or mentally ill person closer to the edge, so to say. But a mentally healthy person would not end their own life due to an ugly letter or mean person (even relentlessly) harassing them. There has to be some sort of brain issue involved in order for the person to supersede the body’s natural self preservation instinct to not harm oneself.
Research has actually shown that someone whose death was triggered by a bullying situation is just as likely to have been triggered by another trigger such as a parents’ divorce, or a break up, or even a perceived rejection of a friend.
None the less, this letter was indeed horrible and bullying and there is no place for behavior like that. Hopefully, this person chose to not hand those letters out after all and did indeed decide to turn her porch light out instead.
Thank you for saying what many, many of us where fuming about since learning of her self-righteous plan.
Great post! Only thing I would argue with is that is absolutely possible for a person to take their own life because of bullying and/or a cruel note. It may not be the straight up only reason someone ends their life, but I can guarantee you that it can definitely be the straw that breaks the camels back, the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. You never know what somebody has been through, what kind of tragedies they’ve had, or how fragile their soul is.
There actually is a debate about this very thing among legal and doctoral circles right now, precipitated by recent trials in wrongful death regarding suicide and bullying. And you and I mostly agree, it seems. More “fragile souls” (mentally weaker perhaps ranging from on the precipice to deep in a depressive state) will succumb to harshness more quickly. Someone essentially mentally “whole” and healthy most likely would not. But again, the pros are debating this and I do not have an MD nor DO after my name, it is just my conclusion from experience and research. We all know every person is different and some occurrences can’t be explained. :-). Thank you for replying to my little contribution.
Personal perspective seems to be a bit more reliable when it comes to the human soul, I believe. Experience speaks volumes, and compassion provides the “human” side of debates concerning the emotional torment people can go through. In essence, you and I know more about this stuff through personal experience than any doctor through medical research. Thats my opinion anyway. You are quite welcome for the response, and many thanks to you for YOUR kind response to MY response!
🙂 it’s always nice to run into another like ‘minded’ soul.
very well said…fat shaming should be penalised!
good luck for your studies and congratulations on being freshly pressed.
It takes a Fascist to turn a village into a concentration camp of the spirit.
This is the first post I have reblogged in my time with WordPress. Well said!
Thank you so much!
Reblogged this on deejayiwan.
Good for you! I read that letter today in one of my feeds and I was beside myself – I didn’t know where to place my feelings but you did it for me, thank you for speaking out.
M.L.
You, are an inspirational person. (Just tone it down a notch on the language, thanx)
Wow–that is one dose of ugly. What kind of judgemental soul writes THAT?
The letter was very immature and morally wrong. I could agree with you more. It’s just so sad to think that people really can’t accept people and kids for how they are. It really isn’t none of her business! Whether a child is overweight or not doesn’t matter; they are still beautiful! What really needs to lose weight is the letter writer’s thick head!
Reblogged this on World's Finest Clarity.
Amen and thank you for your insight and your honesty. I couldn’t agree more.
Great reply, ignorance can only be beaten by facts and logic. I always remember my mum raising her voice to an aunt of mine when she passed a comment on me and my sisters weight. We were teenagers at the time, lanky skinny things and my aunts comment about our weight was the first time I heard someone refer to us like that. I was used to aunts and uncles speak about school, our friends, books, movies, our likes, dislikes, us. Not our weight. No one knows what goes on in someones head, the tiniest comment could send them towards anorexia, anxiety, depression, the list is endless. Words matter, words should be spoken with meaning, not just spewed out to fill a void. On the flip hand, I also agree everyone behaves and acts they way they do for a reason, this persons letter is for a reason, she has her own issues to deal with. Fair play to you for your reply.
Where people get off on this kind of thing is beyond me! I think the police would have to come break up the fight I’d with this person. Well said!
Reblogged this on ajmaciver75.
As a huge advocate for health and fitness myself, I deeply appreciate your response to this letter! Nothing makes a child more upset or even unmotivated than to be bullied about their weight.
What an excellent read!
Handing out notes to doorsteps just proves the person is judgemental, and that has nothing to do with actually caring or being inspired. If you’re caring and inspired- you take action and find creative ways to inspire people to be healthy. You don’t criticize and assume, and attack from behind your own blinds.
Terribly sad way to live.
Ashley
Thanks,
From the fat kid.
Outrageous – and good for you for calling this neighbor out. Just “pressed” this via our Permission Slips page.
You totally nailed what my own views are on this heinous act. Good for you for having the balls to call out this bully.
From a formerly fat kid.
I need to comment on this post. Need to. Even if t’s lost in the awesome number of responses (which makes me so happy). This is just an example of bullying that comes from the adults. Even though we somehow expect kids to be cruel, it is always so heartbreaking when an adult decides to be such a douche. Beyond scarring a child it can lead, as you mentioned, to far greater issues as suicide. I wish I didn’t know anything about bullying coming from adults, but I do. And it never really goes away. Thank you for posting this! It helps.
That is so wrong on so many levels! I hope Karma comes back to bite her in the A$$!
Holy cow! The arrogance of some people! How anyone can claim that they are all knowing in health, weight, or otherwise is ridiculous…not even the best doctors claim to know it all. Furthermore going out of your way, on a holiday that’s meant to be fun by the way, to single out a child who’s already being judged and doesn’t need your friggin help is utterly mind boggling. I absolutely agree with the “bully” comment. Where does this person get off?! And yes, we’ve heard “it takes a village to raise a child”. However: 1. Villages aren’t the community structure they used to be (there’s a lot of weirdos out there now!) and 2. The Village Idiots can keep their input to their damn selves. I have one child who’s a beanpole and one who’s considered “heavy” for her size and she’s WAY more active than my scrawny son. I dare anyone try to take either one from me.
It would make more sense for her to just hand out something healthy and boring to everyone instead of something exciting to thin kids, and mean to fat ones.
Well said!
Put beautifully! I saw this letter and it made me so sad.
All I could think when I read that hateful note was ‘oh, those poor kids.’ That is the same thing I thought when I read Matt’s comments. Compassion is trully rare and precious. The Dalai Lama says this about it…”be kind whenever possible. it is always possible.” Words to live by. Keep on posting – we love it!
I absolutely love this! I’ve been talking about this very note a lot with others and all your points I totally agree with. Thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t. There are much much better ways to approach childhood obesity than to ruin a child’s holiday. 🙂
If this person wants to hand out a letter at her house then I say let her for this is America. If where she goes people want to hand her an opinion of what a hateful thing this is she is doing–again I say let them for this is America. I am fat “excuse me I meant moderatly obesed” some due to genetics, some due to over eating and some due to the fact that no matter how hard I try my life style and culture will not allow me to change much of my stature. I have gotten uneasy at times about my weight and changed my way of handling somethings that cause this and hey guess what it worked. I have also changed some habits and guess what it didn’t work Im still fat.”crap i mean Obese” I suppose people are who they are and maybe if possible we can help them when they are aware there is a problem and leave it alone when they don’t think of it as a problem. Awareness is good at times but can possibly kill you at times also.
I applaud all of you who are defending the “fat kids”. Now I want to address you Matt. I read the previous comments and they continue to call you out on your ignorance and your lack of ability to use proper grammar. Instead of you addressing why you cannot use proper grammar you continue to tell us how nice you are and blah blah blah. Now I stop reading your comments a few comments up so if you addressed why you cannot use proper grammar than great! Disregard this part of my comment section but keep reading. I am a 25 year old woman who is struggling with her weight. When I was younger I was bigger than my other siblings. Sadly, my mother always pointed that out. Turns out the reason why I was bigger was because my father’s side of the family (who I didn’t meet until I was 17) was all bigger than the average skinny person. Now, just because I said bigger does not mean fat. Right now, although I am struggling with my weight if you ask any of my friends if I was “fat” they would laugh at you and walk away without even entertaining your question. The fact is I am 5’8 and I weight well over the amount I should according to the “doctors”. The thing is the doctors stopped telling me that I am overweight or obese because I carry my weight very well and I am more muscle than anything else. Right now I am working on getting healthy and back in shape because for some God forsaken reason I decided to go to Law School. I am in my second year of Law School and time got away from me and fast. I did not realize that the time I was spending studying or hanging with friends I was gaining more and more weight. It was one day when I woke up and couldn’t fit into my jeans I decided it was time for a change. Now I have learned the balance of working out and studying. I am sure by your comments you have no real knowledge of real life. I have a Master’s degree education and am in Law School. I had no time to work out while dealing with some really personal crisis. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t judge people. You are the reason why I look in the mirror naked and smile to myself. I appreciate every curve on my body and every pound I have. I am trying to loose it not to feel good about myself but to feel better about myself & to avoid any future health issues like diabetes. If you ask any of my friends they will tell you I have the confidence of a super model. Why? Because when I was younger people thought it was okay to point out I weighed more than my siblings. My step-father and uncle were the only people in my life who supported me and reminded me I wasn’t fat. Its because of people like you I was miserable in my high school years. Since then I have learned I am a smart beautiful black queen with more education than you can probably attain in your life time. Please take a second to realize your views are stupid and I am sorry for your ignorance. Go education yourself on some things and then come back to this blog. I pray to God I don’t become one of those people who achieves my goal and start teasing others who are fighting the battle I just won.
Peace and Blessings,
Mercedes
Oh by the way I love these post
According to http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/overwt.htm, almost 70% of the adults in the US were overweight (1/2 those adults are obese) according to 2009-2010 statistics. Over 30% of children are obese. The rate of type 2 diabetes is becoming epidemic among children. It’s not simply a matter of the nanny state controlling our sugar intake, as this is intolerable in a free society. Part of the problem is our sedentary lifestyle and the processed foods we choose to eat. According to http://www.livestrong.com/article/384722-how-much-have-obesity-rates-risen-since-1950/ the rate of obesity has increased 214 percent between 1950 – 2000. Calorie intake has declined but we’re not burning the calories like we used to.
Though the letter may have been in (excuse the pun) bad taste and could have been worded better, the person is acting on the belief that s/he has a responsibility to refuse to give candy to a child at risk for diabetes and other obesity-related illnesses.
Then it would have been appropriate to not participate in Halloween candy distribution for ANY children. No one stands to reap healthful benefits from eating candy!
We have a very destructive lifestyle in this country in many respects. Food choices, lack of exercise are 2 that come to mind.
Reblogged this on AshbourneVoice.
I had aunties in my life that would call me “Fei Por”, which translates from Cantonese to fat girl.
As an adult, I understand its partly cultural, but as a kid, it made me feel AWFUL. I remember every single relative that called me Fei Por, and to this day, I still tend to distance myself from them.
People need to understand how damaging and hurtful the things they say and do can be to children.
Let’s teach children about healthy eating and help them find physical activities they enjoy instead of ruining their self esteem and setting them up for a lifetime of food issues and self loathing
Excellent post and well-said. I think you voiced what many of us were feeling when we heard about this woman. Being so judgmental serves no one, especially those children who would be singled out. No one wants to be ‘different’ especially at that age. There were more compassionate ways to help these children without bullying them; starting with getting involved in the community providing opportunities for after-school activities, working for healthier school lunches and just letting these kids know that they are important and loveable; lending an ear or a hug when they feel so unworthy. Thank you for starting the discussion. I hope it inspires each of us to be more mindful of our actions and how they affect others.
I couldn’t agree more-well said. I seriously just cannot believe the level of ignorance in some people. Like you said, this was wrong on SO many levels. I wonder if she even really thought about what she was doing before she made this public fiasco over it.
Awwww
Wow, you got a lot of comments. I wish I had seen the Halloween card at the beginning of your post because I would have dropped that baby in the Halloween bags at my front door.
I’m an older runner who was injured running Broad Street (10 miles)–injured my piriformis muscle which runs from my butt through my hip. Haven’t run since May 13 and I’m getting fat.
Keep up the good work (roncostello.org)
Reblogged this on Bill's Personal Space and commented:
crazy
In heard about this on the news and found it appalling. I agree with all your comments. How can you even tell what a kid looks like under a costume? Plus, you don’t have to give candy. There are Halloween pencils, erasers, toys, granola, goldfish crackers etc. This person is severely ignorant.
Reblogged this on Vaniceseasonal's Blog.
Luau…you had me in agreement UNTIL your expletive…..
that is both completely fair and understandable. I actually thought about changing it afterward (especially as this post gained a broader audience I grew slightly uncomfortable with my language choice), but ended up choosing to leave it in as a snapshot in time. My apologies that I offended.
Let’s not be so sensitive to his expletive. This is HIS blog. HIS post. He apparently felt passionate about it. At times when we feel passionate about things those words may come out. It was his genuine feeling at the time and I feel as a reader I WANT to read the writers GENUINE feelings. Expletives and all.
At times society has made it seems that if you use expletives you are somehow less of a person or could have said it in a better way. Luau was just passionate about the topic and I appreciate his passion. I would not have change a word. He wanted to make a point and conveyed a message thoroughly as seen here in SO MANY comments he received here thanking and congratulating him.
Well said, luau. Fucking ay, my friend. 🙂
Reblogged this on websitehomepage.com.
What an opportunity to see how we all judge each other! What a painful experience to so many. There is so much judgement in our culture.
Reminds me of a Halloween when my thin child and my heavy child both came home holding a plastic bag full of water with a goldfish inside. Same scenario; a Halloween “trick” that hurts a life, and won’t go away easily.
We returned the bags to the giver, a pet store owner, without comment. A comment in itself! I think these notes need to be returned to the giver without judgement or anger, more in the sense of keeping our own hearts and yards clear to be filled with what we choose.
[…] Get Out of My Village : because it needed to be said. […]
So sad to know that bullies are around us, where ever we are and they think their behaviour is right and justified!
Reblogged this on Emma Kate.
Is this a teacher? OMG it reminds me of a teacher I had in fifth grade she did not like me because I was disabled she even let the other kids bully me and I got in trouble for it not them. My mom even said to her she would go to the board of schools and complain when she did the teacher got a slap on the hand. After the year was over that teacher didn’t come back for the next year.
I hope this person gets what she deserves and someone shows her her ugly ways are not helping. Plus teachers don’t make the disquisitions for their students what a parent makes that just steps over the borderline of disrespecting not just the parent but the kid too.
P.S Thank you for posting this hun, I guess kids are not the only ones who can be bulls.
Well said!!! Great post – it’s classic bully behavior all the way 😦
At the same time, i do wonder why we bother doing the candy thing at all – in my day it was just peanuts and apple bobbing!!! And no one was discriminated against at all
I’m not sure what the percentage is of overweight kids, but we could improve their health a little better than silly notes like this one. I would probably focus on school lunches first and the greasy, salty foods marketed to kids next. But I’d never give candy to some kids over others on Halloween. That’s just wrong.
Great. Children are sponges. Let’s not fill them with insecurity.
crazy
Reblogged this on shashankworld.
[…] Get Out of My Village. […]
[…] Heard about the woman who gave out notes to the fat little kids on Halloween? This blogger pretty much nails my views on the matter: Get Out of My Village. […]