10 days.
10 days ’til Boston – and doubt has started to creep in.
I have to remind myself that I have finished a marathon. It wasn’t pretty, but I did. The thing is, it’s not the finishing that has become the constant occupier of my thoughts. It is the how. I have no doubt that I can finish. I have no doubt that I can finish in under 4 hours. At this point, especially after my performance at the Eastern States 20, I have no doubt I can finish in 3:45.
But from that point, things get a little hazy. 3:30 is about where I think I know I can come in, but I want to prove to the running gods that I deserve this gift they’ve bestowed upon me. Part of me feel like if I don’t run at least a 3:20, then I will be offending them…disappointing them.
I keep wondering what will happen at 16. I know that Heartbreak Hill isn’t for another 5 miles, but that famed hill is not a mystery to me. I’ve run it many times. It will be hard – yes, harder than any time I’ve run it before – but I will know what to expect and for how long I will be running it. It’s 16, where I seem to hit these “soft walls” that has me worried.
It doesn’t help that my buddy Pete seemed to have an issue with 16 in his first few marathons before he finally broke through with a great run at Disney this year. What is it with 16? It was the beginning of the end at Manchester and it shook my confidence briefly at Eastern States.
Doubt. It’s an evil thing.
But it can also be a motivator. It can be what keeps you mentally prepared and ready for that “moment”. In every race, half marathon or longer, I’ve had a moment where my race could have gone one of two ways – when doubt about my ability to not only finish but finish strong grabbed me by the throat and tried to end my race. In one race, it almost broke me. In the other three I dug deep, faced doubt down and broke through with a smile on my face. Doubt can destroy you, but it can also drive you.
The key so far for me has been to use it as a motivator and then draw on the strength of those around me. At the Boston Run to Remember, I drew on the energy from the crowd. At the Chilly Half and at Eastern States, it was from my fellow runners. I have been told by my good friend Rick, a veteran of 22 Boston Marathons and a mentor of sorts, that the crowd at Boston will pull you through. I plan on using them as much as I can. According to Rick, you can hear the cheers at Wellesley College nearly two miles before you reach the college. He says you can feel the fans on the Newton Hills willing you on. He says as you come into Boston, the roar of the crowd can carry you home.
These are the tools that I will use to push doubt out of my mind while I run hard through the second half of Boston.
In the meantime, I will use my doubts as motivators to train smart, eat right, sleep well and take care of my legs.
10 days.
And you’ll have all of us in your virtual community cheering us on. Don’t know if you’ll be able to “hear” the cheers from Tallahassee and points beyond Boston, but we’re all out here pulling for you!
Thanks Paula! I am sure at some point in the race I will hear you in my head! It’s part of what I love about my online running community.
Doubt can destroy you, but it can also drive you.
(And I thought I came here to read about running.)
Manchester was a lesson in discipline (and hydration) – NOT a definition of you as a marathoner.
You’ve got this thing, babe. And the little one and I will be there to remind you in case you forget that.
Run Luau. Run. It’s what you do.
Having seen you fly by at the ES 20 I have NO doubt that you will break that 3:30 mark. I have seen 3:30 marathoners and you are definitely a sub 3:30.
We know you CAN DO THIS.
Plus, your biggest fans (Jess & the little one), your running community friends, and the entire city of Boston will be cheering you on!
Run. YOUR. race.
We believe in you.
(of course it is so easy to write this to you, while I myself – a much slower runner – am plagued with the same doubts about mile 16)
@petfxr
Thanks Alett. Feeling the positive vibe. Hopefully I can find a group of people like I did at the ES20…it’s amazing what a difference running in a group can make.
Matt – all I can say is pacing. That was the difference for me in Disney. Started out slow, finished fast, and didn’t burn up my glycogen stores by mile 16 like I usually do by avoiding going anaerobic early in the race. It’s tough, but force yourself (and I mean force) to stay above a 7:30 pace for the first 16-18, drink at the water stops, and if you’ve got gas in the tank after that, pop in some earbuds and let loose.
Thanks for the words of wisdom Pete!
Listen for the crowd. It’s an amazing energy. We’ll be cheering you on all the way from Oregon. At mile 20 you’ll hear a faint “whoot, whoot” That’s me cheering….my voice just doesn’t carry like it used to. Oh yea, HAVE FUN!
You can do this! I’ll be out on the course somewhere cheering you on… not sure where yet and you wouldn’t know me if you passed me, but I’ll be there! 🙂
I appeciate it Teresa!
You will do great! Run your race – and as Pete said above, pace yourself. The downhill start and early miles, excitement of fellow runners, the experience, will kick you off fast. Resist the temptation to think I can get ahead of pace in the early miles and give myself some wiggle room on the back. Its a tough gamble.
I’m watching the forecast and hope the weather and marathon gods will shine – but the sun won’t 😉 – cool will help you meet your goals!
We’ll be looking for you on Comm Ave as you come up the tunnel from passing under Mass Ave.
run on…
You are going to do great! Enjoy the run and the experience. Don’t take it to seriously, and remember, you can do this! It’s just another long training run with people handing you refreshments and crowds to cheer you on!
My mantra during this period before my ‘A’ races is “Run Dumb”. Don’t react to previous performances – just run. Good luck!
Plan your race and race your plan. Stay on pace and eat at the same appropriate intervals you trained to eat at. Things always crop up, but trust the plan and be ready to gut it out. You’ll make it. P.S. The running gods don’t care what your finish time is – they just want to see you putting one foot in front of the other and reveling in the wind in your face and sweat on your brow! Good luck, man!
Really, you got energy from the crowd during the Run to Remember? The only crowd I can recall were the homeless guys milling around outside the shelter in Downtown Crossing. Although, now that I think about it, I guess I did run quicker through that section…
Ha! I seem to remember a bit of a crowd at around the turnaround, and then as we came over the bridge at the end…maybe it was just the movie/soundtrack playing in my head as I ran…
We gotta try and meet up at the athlete’s village. Bring a garbage bag or two.
Defintely!