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Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

I went out for a run this morning.  5 miles, 39 minutes on the nose.  I went out with no particular plan, but I eventually found myself at the local high school track.  While there, for no apparent reason, I decided to do a couple of Fartleks at 5 minutes a piece, averaging at about a 6:20 pace.  The run itself really is nothing to write about; it is rather how my run started that has me sad.

For over the past year I have been using the Charity Miles App for almost every run I do outside.

It is ingrained into my routine – step outside, put in earbuds, start my playlist, start the Charity Miles App, swipe to the Autism Speaks page, hit go, run.  For almost every single run over the past year and a half, this has been my routine, whether it be a training run, a fun run or a race.

The same thing, over and over.

Every run was inspired because I knew every extra mile was a little extra money going to Autism Speaks…every extra stride was money being spent on awareness…every step was improving the lives of autistics and their families…

With the family out on various errands and activities, I decided I needed to go for a run.  I went through my routine – step outside, put in earbuds, start my playlist, start the Charity Miles App, swipe to the Autism Speaks page, hit g…

I stopped.

I thought of Suzanne Wright’s call to action.

I stared at my screen.

I thought of Suzanne broadly painting every family with autism as lost.

I sighed.

I thought of Suzanne making it clear that their focus was on children only.

My thumb hovered over the start button…wavering just so.

I thought of the countless autistic adults who are being left behind by Suzanne Wright’s call to action.

I sighed and looked away, hanging my head.

I thought of the fact that Brooke is only a handful of years away from being an adult.

Sadness overcame me as I realized I just couldn’t bring myself to pressing start.

I swiped through the other very worthy charities that Charity Miles has teamed up with.  I finally settled on Achilles International, an inspiring group that helps disabled athletes compete in events like the New York City Marathon.  Although I did not cry outwardly, I was doing so on the inside.

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…feeling lost and sad after 5 miles…

I am sad.

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