Dear C.N.T. (Clueless Neuro Typical) Parents,
I hate to admit it, but I agree with you. This Disney thing about the lines and the waiting? Yup, we are on the same page. I agree that the issue is bratty, ill-behaved kids and their lazy parents. I’m with you that it’s about people who feel like they are entitled to go right to the front of the line. I agree that it’s about parents who have no control over their children and take advantage of a system to cut in line in front of everyone who is patiently waiting for their turn to ride It’s A Small World or my personal favorite, the Haunted House. The parents don’t want to do the work necessary to teach their kids the lessons of patience and expected public behavior. The kids are fidgety and noisy and have an absolute lack of self-control. Your kids push and shove. They cut people off, pushing others out of the way and you just smile or shrug your shoulders as if to say, “what are ya gonna do?”
Oh, wait, what? You thought I was talking about parents of Special Needs kids?
Um, no.
This debate about special lines for Special Needs families is actually not all about those families. This debate is about you, the C.N.T. Parent. Why is there a special line for Special Needs families? In part, it’s because of your clueless looks of disdain and horror when our kids flap or squeal in line. It’s because you jump to the conclusion that if our child is flapping their arms or screaming in response to every time your child says, “Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama,” while you ignore your child, my child must be a brat or misbehaving. It’s because your child will walk up to our child and say, “what the hell is wrong with you?” and you do nothing. It’s the complete lack of empathy on your part and your inability to teach it to your own misbehaving, bratty children.
So when a place like Disney makes an effort to ease the discomfort for everyone (you included) by giving us our own line, you decide, “well, I deserve that too.” So you actually go to guest services and game the system. You actually go to guest services and say, “my child has a disability, give me my fucking guest pass.” This, despite that fact that your child is completely typical.
This debate is not about letting Special Needs families “cut” in line. It’s about giving them their own line because C.N.T. Parents like you didn’t want us in your line in the first place.
But it’s also about safety. If my kid flaps to calm down, isn’t safer to let her flap in a line populated by people who understand to give her a little space as opposed to packing her with you and your unempathetic brood?
So, you’re right – these parents have to get off their asses and actually discipline their children and teach them how to behave in society, but those parents are you, the C.N.T. Parent, and those kids are yours.
Come walk in our shoes for a week during the school year and you’ll see what hard parenting work really is.
Thanks for nothing,
Luau
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!!!!!! Luau, you said it best I think!!! CNT – hah!! I was phoenitically (sp) sounding that out and well, it made me giggle…but in all seriousness, you hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you for it!
We’ve been to Disney many, many times over the years, both Disney World and Disneyland. When my son was younger, we used the pass, not to get onto the rides faster (because they always made it clear that it was not a “jump the line pass”), but so he wouldn’t have to stand in the middle of that crowd. The wait was difficult, but being surrounded in that crowd was unbearable for him. This is when the flapping, noises and meldowns would start. The stares and the “other” parents pulling their kids away was too much (for me; sometimes I think I needed the pass more than he did 🙂 . Fortunately, he really doesn’t need the pass anymore and we don’t use it, even though we could.
I agree, we are not looking for a way for jump the line, we are trying to make OUR children’s experience as enjoyable as anyone elses.
(Also, I have wondered many times, why I am so overly concerned with his behavoir when I look around and see the behavior of some “typical” kids and their parents)
I just love this! The thing we loved about Disney and the GAC was that for one week our family felt accepted and almost dare I say “normal.” The few times we attempted waiting in the standard lines were disastrous – and more because of those “typical” families’ behaviors than because of my autistic children’s behaviors.. Well said!!
This article comes across as though you have a chip on your shoulder and lump all neuro-typical parents together. I certainly hope that you are not lumping all NTP or NT children together, the same as you would not want me to lump all special needs children together. I would be HORRIFIED if any of my children ever said “What the hell is wrong with you?” to anyone. I may not address it in front of you – at least not to your satisfaction, but it would certainly be addressed and taken very seriously.
I am certainly not bothered by certain children needing to be away from the crowds, or anything else. I am also not bothered by a child squealing or flapping in line with my family. It does draw attention, so sometimes it’s difficult to act like nothing is going on, but I wouldn’t try to “rescue” my children, but I’d try to make sure they didn’t make a big deal about it, which might look to you like I’m trying to get away from you or your children. All I’m trying to do and teach my kids to do is to act how YOU would want us to act – which I assume is to not make a big deal about it and basically act normally. I want your child to be able to enjoy Disneyland or any other experience, and I don’t mind accommodations to make it happen.
And please don’t imply that just because I have 5 NT kids that I don’t do hard parenting work because that’s straight bullshit. I recognize that there are challenges with raising a special needs child, and I know that I can’t possibly know the whole of it. But I try to appreciate that there are hard things and there are wonderful things, just like raising a NT kid. So I would appreciate it if you would do me the same courtesy and try to believe that we’re all doing our best job for our children.
Absolutely Tara. I know the majority of parents have good hearts but when autism/special needs parents put their stories out there on places like Boston.com and CNN a HUGE number of the comments are made by people accusing special needs parents of just what I talk about above. This post was a response to one of those articles and perhaps I should have stated that at the start. I know that most parents work their tails off and honestly, the idea of 5 kids, NT or otherwise terrifies me – I tip my hat to you and thank you for teaching your children and passing on your values.
This is an awesome post!!!
Just a reminder that there are typical families out there, whose typical children misbehave and are challenging as well, that do not judge, nor look down on you. A family like mine, would accept, appreciate and honor honesty and a minimal verbal explanation. Sometimes that’s all that is needed, no excuse, no cop out, just a small excerpt of what your daily life is like. Please also keep in mind that there are plenty of families out there that do not parent their children. There are many parents that don’t want to be bothered with the attitudes, tantrums and misbehavior of their children and simply ignore and do nothing about it. From a bystander, it’s easy to get the two confused. However, a simple, “Phil has autism and these lines and crowds are difficult for him. But, he’s so excited for this ride,” could make all the difference. I hope I’ve expressed my opinion gently, respectfully and honoring of your family. And I hope your upcoming vacations are magical, stress free and full of joy for you and your children!
Thank you Jenny. Very well said!
Painting with a broad brush, aren’t you?
Yes and no – I am not including NT parents, just the Clueless ones. There are plenty of NT parents who are empathetic, kind and understanding even if they don’t fully understand what they are seeing or hearing; however, it is the clueless, non-empathetic parents who insist that those with sensory and other issues should either just “learn to deal with it like the rest of us” (which goes to their complete misunderstanding of what our children are going through) or that we should just stay home because nobody is requiring us to go to Disney (which goes to show they have a complete misunderstanding that our kids can have dreams just like their own) – either way, it’s the mean-spirited Cluelessness that gets my goat. I have no issue with most NT parents, but just reading some of the comments made on some of the articles that we’re covering this Disney thing were enough to make me see red.
I would also add that if some people are feeling like they are being lumped in unfairly with the CNT’s, they might want to consider having a word with the CNT’s and tell them to cut it out. Kinda like when you or I might tell some of our political friends that they are being ridiculous and they need to tone it down.