I just got back from the bookstore. Brooke has been a bit of a mess for the last 48 hours because she had been unable to find one of her favorite books. It got to the point that bedtime last night got a little hairy. This afternoon, while hanging out in the den, she started crying. I asked her why she was crying and she gave me one of her scripted answers. I dug a little deeper and she said she was sad that she could not find her book. I became determined to find it. After 20 minutes of tearing the house apart, Jess made the ingenious suggestion that I take Brooke to the bookstore and buy another copy…the $7 would be money well spent.
And so we went to the bookstore.
And we picked up a copy of her book…that is, after the nice, well meaning info desk lady helped us find it.
“You do know this is a little kids book, right?”
Yeah, believe me honey, I KNOW!!! “Yeah,” I simply sighed.
“I mean REALLY little kids.”
I suppressed my flash of anger, calmly took the book from her and went off to go pay.
Brooke could not have been happier and she began reading her book in the car and asking me questions about it:
Is it so wrong that as happy as I am that she has her book and is reading, that a part of me is bitter too that the book is this:
I know we all go at our own pace…we all do…but sometimes it’s hard to remember that.
Run Luau Run 
Your feelings are never wrong. Never. Please, remember that!
You would think that this well meaning woman would have a teensy weensy bit of tact and at the very least stop talking after your first, “I know”…. It just goes to show you that (cliche warning) You can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
My son is autistic and sometimes I have to pinch myself to bring me back to reality. Nobody who doesn’t know him would guess, that is, until they try to talk to him and if they got a response the first time, I’d be surprised. Currently, he is fixated on Curious George and…. London…. LOL… London and he go way back. He’s always loved Big Ben (reinforced by Cars2), the ferris wheel, London Bridge, and now, the Olympics. Last night he must’ve screamed “Big Ben!” at least ten times… every time it flashed across the tv screen.
I tell myself this is how he is learning. By repeatedly reading the same old books… and you know, he knows a LOT more than his neurotypical peers at school… and I feel confident saying that because his teachers actually let me in on that… as if I didn’t know already!
These moments bite me in the booty sometimes too.
I agree $7 well spent but I also empathize with everything you wrote in your post about the transaction and the clerk. This is not directly related but for what it’s worth — we have a relatively new IT guy at our office. He appears to have a (very very slight) physical disability — I say that b/c he walks with a noticeable limp. He was at my desk the other day doing something on my computer and it was so minor that he didn’t ask me to move — he just grabbed my mouse with his left hand. At which point I said, ” are you left handed? ” – him: no – me: ” oh well then are you ambidextrous?” The train had left the station and I was headed downhill with no brakes on this convo. He eventually said, “I’m not as strong on my right side as my left.” It was all “ok” but I suspect whatever caused the limp also caused the disproportionate strength in his arms/hands. He handled it well; I really wasn’t “that” out of bounds but I left the convo wishing I had just shut up. Just minded my own business.
Long way of saying — I empathize. I hope she gets educated along the way. Doesn’t sound like it was the right time or place for you to do that. Glad Brooke got the book and it brought her comfort/enjoyment.
My 8 year old son enjoys his age appropriate video games and the computer, but old Max &Ruby and Wiggles episodes are comforting, familiar, and an indulgence I don’t let on to others about. He sees nothing wrong with it, is comfortable in his own skin, makes no apologies about it, and I’m wondering which of us can learn from the other in this case?
Brooke is a beautiful little girl. I’m sorry I don’t understand about her limitations but think you do a wonderful job of parenting with the challenges faced on a daily basis. You are blessed. You have to know remember that when things get tough.
I have felt like this too but maybe its not about just learning but what is comforting for her like a favourite Teddy bear or blanket. Just remember its okay to feel this way..
Who know what she sees in it that is beautiful? The lady at the store? Write that off as ignorance.
People can be so insensitive…they don’t walk a mile in our shoes. They don’t even walk a few steps in our shoes. As a book-lover, as a former teacher, as a children’s-book-a-holic, the important thing is that she is enjoying a book. My NT 12yr old still has some favorite kids’ books that he loves to look at because we’ve read them So.Many.Times. that they are just a part of him. She’s enjoying a book. Who cares which book?! She’s enjoying a book – that’s all that a book lover could ever want for a child!
Hey… Dnt feel bad.. My brother is 8 and was diagnosed with autism almost at age 5 due to having other health issues that got blamed for all the austism symptoms bryan had… He still likes barney, elmo, the wiggles.. He loves books and will literally go bananas if u do not find his book.. Or even smallest little sea figure he has.. Is hard and like u said bitter sweet.. People outthere dnt know nothing bout this special little minds.. They see my brother as acting like a baby being so big.. They only see the outside his body frame but yet dnt see the greatness inside of him.. He still likes those little baby books.. I guess they all have a lot in common.. Never forget the Lord never makes mistakes and he exactly knows to whom he shall send this angels.. Only angels like us can love them and see them like the world cant… Have a nice rest of the week.. I read ur wifes posts on fb.. And translate them to my mom in spanish 🙂
That collective *sigh* of understanding, means we get it ❤
Sometimes it just bites doesn’t it.
My soon to be 8 yr old son has his board books too. We have one specific one that stays in the car and he ‘reads’ it to and from school every day. I’m not allowed to take it in the house, made that mistake once when I was cleaning out the car.
Your right. It is bittersweet. You are not alone. I have an 8 year old son with ASD who loves Dora and will ask for Dora books and other items. I don’t tell him no. I could never. I don’t ever want to stop him from being who he is.
Know how you feel. My little guy has his things from toddler-hood that he just HAS to have. I look at it that familiarity helps ease anxiety. And if anyone else doesn’t get it, it’s their loss. 🙂
It is those moments where we have to take a deep breath, blow the air out slowly and remember to be grateful for how much our kids have achieved. As I read this post I have had to stop several times to wipe away the tears streaming down my cheeks. You are not alone, even though we have never met, we move together down this road. Some move a little faster, some fall behind, but like the little engine that could, any movement is progress.
you are a good dad!
My 9 year old stepson still requests to watch Sesame Street, then proceeds to participate with the songs and actions while stimming through jumping and handflapping when something funny happens. Thank you for making me feel like this is “normal”.
I was nodding along with you, reading the post…and then you got to the photo at the end.
My daughter read that book forever. Forever to the point where she would say, “I know it’s totally not age appropriate, but i like it.”
As long as it makes her happy – you know? I know you know.
And still –
I feel you, brother.
I love both of your girls from afar. My boys are teens now. They have Aspergers …one at a slower pace than the other. Just know that there is always progress however incremental. There is always hope…she is a gift and she has a gift that will help pull her through.
I totally understand….we all have a right to feel that way sometimes….
I totally get this. My 6 y.o. son still likes a few preschool books with letters. The librarians have encouraged me to.have him read the easy readers, not quite getting that the reading level.has nothing to do with it. I share your pain….
my son is now 19, a college student and he is preparing to serve a mission for our church. when he was five he still wasn’t potty-trained and had a favorite book by the muppets called ‘bye bye diapers’. we read it every night, hoping he’d get the message. when he was older i found out the reason he loved the book so much was miss piggy because she was a ‘big, beautiful blonde.’ if i had misplaced the book and run into the same clerk, i think i would have taken away her adult status, or monthly chocolate allotment or something. unreal.
When I was young, my favorite book for comfort was Little Bear. And by “young”, I mean, as a teenager. I was delighted when my son discovered the show. He’s ten, and we still love to snuggle to it when we need to calm down. So no worries. Familiarity is soothing.
PS, I have no idea why my screen name is suddenly this long random string of characters. This is Joeymom.
I get this. My 6 y.o. makes a.beeline for preschool books with brightly colored pictures and letters. He can read sightwords, but he finds comfort in the old standbys. Sometimes I wish he would pick up an easy reader…without the aba therapist having to get involved…I feel you.
Beautiful. Thanks for understanding, dad.
I’m a 53-year-old grown woman and I keep a copy of Sesame Street’s board book entitled “I Am a Monster” for my own reading pleasure, along with several others that I just plain like to read sometimes. I intend to share them with my someday grandchildren, but even if I never have grandchildren, I’ll continue to enjoy these books.
This type of book is for pure enjoyment. Sounds to me like Brooke’s enjoying hers like I do mine.
Who cares what anyone else thinks. I say God bless her!
Another one that hit close to home for us. Thank you for sharing.
It sounds like you’re having a bit of a tough week. Or maybe you’ve just had events that have brought the differences into stark comparative reality. Those are always difficult days/weeks for is too (birthday parties completely do me in; all the vigilance, and all the comparisons that you can’t avoid).
Hang in there…
I get it. My little one is always a bit more “young” than everyone else. Our kids are so awesome, so special, so amazing. ((HUGS))
I feel for you with all my heart. I cried because i have felt this way many times as i read my daughters favorite board book. She has physically outgrown that book by years but i try to remind myself that it gives her some truly safe feeling that no other book has. I am sorry the sales clerk was so oblivious but she will never know the sublime joy you felt as you saw your daughter’s entire being breathe a sigh of relief with her favorite
Hugs.
I bought my son an Elmo birthday balloon for the 16th time. I get it.
I equate it to any child having a “lovey”. A blanket, a teddy bear, sock monkey, a pacifier… yes I said pacifier …at 11 she didn’t have it in her mouth but she held it and I held her “secret” as we were best friends. As long as it does it’s job and comforts her when she needs it, who cares what title it holds? It means something to her! My friend is now in her 40’s and while she doesn’t have to hold it, it is in her jewelry box. I’d bite the bullet and buy a couple more copies for just in case as one never knows when a favorite book will go out of print. The lady in the book store, if you care to educate her, I’d do it without Brooke and gently. Maybe it will help her be a little more compassionate for those shopping with slightly odd requests.
You would think working in a book store, she would have experience with all types of children and wouldn’t make such a tactless remark!
My NT and ASD twin boys are 7, and both still love Curious George, Max and Ruby and all the other preschool shows…. AND their preschool books 😀
Anyway, It sucks when others point out stupid crap – but really what matters – look at the joy in her. I love that about my ASD son, although wearing emotions on his sleeve is exhausting for me – I love seeing the joy and excitement in him. His NT twin is more in control of his emotions, but displays a toned-down version of delight and happiness.
The fact is, you are a better parent for allowing your child to go at her own pace. Yes, it is frustrating and heartbreaking at times, but you do what you have to for your child. ANd you love her unconditionally. That is what she needs. So good on ya for being the best dad to her! My daughter aged 8 (ASD and Dyspraxic) can read Charles Dickens but struggles with 2+2=4 . Love her for her cans not her cannots. ((hug))
My son is 10 and still reads Little Einstein books. Who cares..they are happy and that is the bottom line. You did good dad!
Baby Einstein videos at our house for our almost 10 year old. I hear what you’re saying completely. I try to remind myself that we’re lucky that we have something that we know for sure makes him calm and happy.
Dude, we have that same book and can’t
get rid of it for the same reason – we’d end up having to buy it again. We have a bookcase – an entire bookcase – full – of board books. Can’t get rid of them. The house would be reduced to smoke and ash if I tried.
People think it’s endearingly quirky when adults hang onto certain childhood loves – Hello Kitty, Mickey Mouse, Captain Crunch Cereal. And I’ve read several Autisitic bloggers defend their strong attachments to non-age-appropriate stuff in that way. But from a parent perspective, yes it is confounding. I get it. You are not alone.
It’s so hard sometimes – believe me – we still have our Thomas the Tank Engine board books – your feelings are justified – we all feel that way sometimes – it’s natural – you’re a great Dad!!!
Who cares what book it is that brings her so much comfort!! It does not define her, it just comforts her! Your a good daddy! I wish there were more like you, who gets her, loves her, and ACCEPTS her!!
I realize as I write this that my advice applies to my situation perhaps even more than yours. But visualize that water rolling right over the ducks back and shake your tail feathers to send it right off into space. Your girl is beautiful and bright in ways that the world has only begun to see! She will get there but only in her own time. Having a father like you, who sees the importance of that board book and running to the store for a new one, when others may have stubbornly wrote it of for gone tells me that you are just what she needs. Great thing you did for your girl. Don’t even consider the “level” of the book. She’s reading! that is what counts.
Oh that book! 🙂 We have the same exact one and many like it! We also go through panicked episodes of “searching” periodically when we have lost one of my son’s books or toys. He used to have hundreds of flash cards and we’d inventory those things religiously for fear of losing one!!! It always amazes me how much emotional security comes from having that “one thing” present or where it is expected to be…anyway, I dont usually comment but I wanted to let you know that I completely related to your experience-from the lost book, to the clerk, to the favorite book being a board book for toddlers and all the emotions that go with it!
The bookstore employee was simply showing you her limitations, not yours, and not Brooke’s. I’m sure if you were to examine her life with the limited view she afforded you, judgements could easily be made.
It’s ok that Brooke likes that book, and it’s ok if she likes it 20 years from now, because she’s happy.
Just remember your daughter isn’t learning those body parts still, I think it’s just the familiarity of the book that makes her happy. I know that’s what it is a lot of he time with my daughter. The book store lady needs to keep her mouth shut, I’m sure if she paid a bit of attention she would have figured it out.
I think it is fine she likes the book and even greater that she practices asking questions? Helen likes The Very Hungry Caterpillar and never asks questions except “Where is mom’s iphone 4?” She is 8 going on 9 next month. So yes it disappoints me that she has no interest in reading non-board books. Especially when her sister is reading well above her age (she is 7 and is currently on book 4 in the Harry Potter series – she just started reading the series 2 weeks ago).
#father #rolemodel
There is not “right.” Therefore there can be no “wrong.”
I feel that way too, and the other post too, I love, love my kid, proud of his progress, weary of the vigilance.
Don’t get frustrated with people that don’t know. just love her for who she is, remember that she is unique and that she is still progressing, even if it is in tine baby steps. Don’t let someone like that undermine your confidence. I have a son aged 8 with ASD. He cannot read, is only starting to write, but each day he takes small baby steps toward his goals.
my beautiful angel is 20 and living that’s all people who don’t live in our world will know. love ur angel with no “NORMAL” RULES cause ur journey will b ur journey and it will b a wonderful adventure – i don’t stand or sit down 4 ignorant and un compassionate humans because there different ability is never being able 2 get it. just love,teach and NEVER GIVE UP… GOD KNW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHEN HE SENT U UR ANGEL…. LIVED IT, STILL LIVING IT , MY ANGEL PRINCESS IS HAPPY, I’M HAPPY AND IT’S ALL GOOD – 4 REAL 4 REAL
PEACE FROM THE PURPLE MOON.
We totally understand about this scenario. It was rude of the salesperson to behave as she did.
Chloe read your post and it has been playing on her mind. So, she asked if I would let you or Jess know about an idea she. Have you considered perhaps scanning the book onto her i-pad so that if the book should happen to go missing you have a back up. Chloe has been scanning many of her books onto her Dad’s computer and then transfers them to her i-pad somehow. My girl is on the spectrum and struggles with many things but she also has some brilliant ideas. Chloe worries all the time about what people think when she is reading books that she enjoys and understands and this is one way of her appearing “normal” – her words, not mine. As a previous poster noted, until someone walks in our shoes, who are they to judge.
You and Jess are truly amazing parents.