“Yeah, I had some, uh, bathroom problems at 12.”
“Promise me that if it happens again you’ll stop”
“Um…”
“Just promise me…please.”
“Ok…I promise”
-A phone conversation between me and Jess somewhere around mile 15
[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com]
On Friday night I suffered my very first DNF (did not finish). It was a disappointment to say the least.
I may have been under trained, under motivated and mildly under the weather, but I kept thinking maybe fresh legs would carry me through the day. Man was I wrong.
I’ve had trouble writing this race recap – maybe because it was my first DNF, maybe because once one goes once around the 3.1 mile loop of the course, one has seen it all, maybe because after an hour of running it got so dark there was nothing really to see other than the few feet in front of me. I don’t know, regardless, this has been a tough one to compose.
***
I initially started at the back of the pack, not exactly sure what my game plan was gonna be. I had set my Garmin’s virtual running partner to run a 7:24/mile pace, figuring that would get me across the finish line at around 3:15. I like to start slowly, but inevitably in a race I always start too fast. This race was no exception, though I did manage to keep it close to what I hoped would be my overall pace. Through the first two laps I weaved my way through the crowd, eventually settling into a pace that had me chasing a pack of runner that I just couldn’t seem to reel in. In retrospect, I wondered whether keeping pace with them (around 7:20 pace) was not such a good idea. In the end though, I doubt the chase had any effect on me eventually dropping out.
I finally did catch the group at around 8 miles, at one point taking the lead in the line and then dropping half of the group 2 miles later.
At that point I was feeling pretty strong. Legs felt good, lungs felt good, mind was focused. Seeing my friends Maddy and Sarah who had come out to cheer me on, every 3 miles was also a great energy boost.
Meanwhile though I would sip at my Gatorade and take a cup or two of “water” every 1.5 miles.
During a daytime race, you can see what it is you are taking in. Water looks like water, energy drinks look like energy drinks. Even if you aren’t looking at what you are taking in, you sure as hell are going to be able to tell the difference between water and say, Gatorade or Powerade when you put it to your lips. At the Around the Lake Marathon/Ultramarathon they were serving water, just like any race, but they were also handing out cups of something called HEED. I had never heard of it before and quite frankly, I hope I never, EVER drink it again.
Initially as I made my way around the lake, I would grab a cup at each of the two stations, pour it over my head, grab another cup, pour it on my face and then grab a third cup and drink it. The problem was that this third cup was not what I thought it was. I downed it every time thinking it was water. It had a little bit of an odd aftertaste, maybe a little sweet, but I thought, hey! I’m in Wakefield. Maybe their water just has a funny taste…or maybe the waxy paper cups just have a weird taste to them. Either way, I didn’t think much of it.
I didn’t even really think about it when my evening started to rapidly unravel.
At around mile 12.5 I suddenly got hit with a massive stomach cramp. It wasn’t the old, I’ve got a little stomach ache kind of cramp – no, it was the GET ME TO A PORTAPOTTY RIGHT NOW!!! kind of cramp. Unfortunately for me, I was still 0.6 miles away from the portapotties. I did the only thing I could think to do, which was pick up the pace. As I flew into the check in station, there was a large crowd of spectators standing in front of the portapotties, blocking easy access.
“Coming through,” I yelled at the top of my lungs. They must have sensed the urgency in my voice because they parted like the Red Sea being commanded by Moses. I’ll spare you further details.
As I resumed the race, Maddy came up to me to ask if I was okay. I told her that I thought 3:15 was now out of the question but that I planned on finishing and finishing strong. She gave me some encouragement, Sarah handed me a cold water bottle and I was off for lap 5 of 8. Somewhere around mile 15 I checked in with Jess on the phone (I love my Oakley Rockr Pros). I told her the situation, told her I was fine and feeling like I could finish strong.
That’s when she made me promise.
At the end of May, when I ran the Run To Remember Half-Marathon, there was a runner who collapsed from pushing too hard and as a result, ended up in the hospital for several weeks with kidney failure. That scared the crap out of me, but even more out of Jess. With that story forever fresh in our minds (one that no runner should ignore – a post for another day), she made me promise that if I had another “bathroom” issue, I would drop out of the race. I hesitated. Since taking up running a few years ago, I had never dropped out of a race. No matter how bad I felt (New York comes to mind) I fought and I finished.
I thought about the speech I had given just days before (see it HERE) where at one point I mentioned that I used an Autism Speaks pin and the thought of my baby girl to give me strength when my legs would occasionally fail me. How could I drop out after that? How could I possibly drop out of a race after giving that speech? How could I let those people down?
But it occurred to me, that this was not a case of running out of energy or legs stiffening up. This was a much more serious condition – with the very real risk of severe dehydration. And so I promised, hoping that it wouldn’t happen again. As I hit the next loop (number 6 if you’re counting), I briefly stopped where Maddy and Sarah were to hand them my sun-glasses. 3 laps to go, a little over 9 miles. Time to gut it out.
Although I was moving more slowly, I was moving steadily. My pace was even and though I wasn’t going to get the time I wanted, I sure as hell was gonna get that Finisher’s Medal. Into the darkness I ran, and despite moving at a slower pace I was passing people – this is one of the nice things about running a marathon on a loop where there are the really crazy runners who were running the 12 and 24 hour Ultra-Marathon – by necessity, they must run at a slower pace so I got to consistently pass/lap them. Even knowing that I was only passing ultra-marathoners, it still felt great to pass people. I slowly tried to bring up the speed. If I wasn’t going to get my 3:15, I was gonna take a shot at 3:20 and a possible PR.
But then it happened again.
First just a slight stabbing at around 18. I tried to ignore it, taking a double-step and then moving on.
By 18.5 I knew my evening was done. I stopped, doubled over. The pain came and went, almost in waves. I tried jogging, but that hurt.
For the next mile and a half I did a combination of speed-walking, jogging, standing, and a little mild swearing. I hobbled across the timing mat, told the timer I was dropping out and made my way as swiftly as I could to the portapotty. Not a great ending to the evening.
Afterward I went over to where Sarah and Maddy had been cheering me on and watched the runners continue to go by…without me.
I was disappointed, maybe even a little bitter, but the truth was, there was no sense in risking my long-term health over finishing a marathon. If I were a threat to qualify for the Olympic Trials, maybe I just let it all go (Caroline White – look it up), but I’m just a middle of the pack runner, really only competing with one runner – me. I also find out later that several runners had needed to drop out due to GI issues they attributed to HEED. I’m telling you, never again.
Jess later tweeted:
@luau sometimes the greatest act of heroism is knowing when *not* to be a hero. far more proud of you for knowing when to walk away 2nite.
Although I understood that in my head immediately (and was touched by it immensely), it’s taken me almost a week to really take it to heart and truly be okay with a DNF.
There will be other races to be sure, other opportunities to get that elusive 3:15, but my biggest fear now is that I wonder, having dropped out of a race once, will it become that much easier to drop out of a race in the future when the going gets tough.
Only time will tell.
Run Luau Run 
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I am sorry it was such a disappointment but given the details you shared, it sounds like you made the right decision. Can’t wait to hear about your future endeavors!!
Thanks for your support Paula! Live to love another day, right?
So sorry to hear that your race went this way. Oh, and HEED is the nastiest stuff I have EVER run across on a race course. *shudder*
yeah…I hope I never, ever come across it again. ick!
Sorry to hear that this race didn’t go as planned. It is better to listen to your body and ignore your ego in times like these. If you need a boost, you can always go here – http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamm9/5049082338/
Recover well friend. There are bigger mountains to tackle 😉
I thought about blaming all my troubles on you and Doug for not being there! 😉
One of my favorite videos of ALL TIME!!!
Thank you for listening to your body and making what we call in yoga the healing choice. My hope and prayer is that you can honor yourself and feel how incredible you are in spite of or maybe because you had the courage to share your DNF.
Thanks Mary…my head knows it’s true…my heart is following (albeit kicking and screaming!).
I’ve never heard of HEED and given your experiences, i hope I never have it. You did the right thing and I agree with Jess- so freakin’ proud of you.
Thanks Lisa…deep down, I know she was right. If I ever see HEED again, it just might make me run faster so I can finish and run away from the stuff!
You have in no way “let people down”, that’s crazy! (With all due respect! :D) Your wife is right, it is far more important to come home healthy and safely to your family. In the autism family things don’t always go as planned but that doesn’t stop us from trying again, we don’t consider it a failure we get up and go on. This is what you will do in your next race!
I (purposely) purchased HEED upon the recommendation of a friend. I took it along on a long run in prep for a 1/2 marathon, and my long run was cut from 12 miles to 6 due to the fact that I needed hydration, and could not stomach one more sip of the HEED. I use the same company’s electrolyte capsules, but the drink is just plain horrid.
Thank you for sharing. You’re an inspiration.
Thanks Mary Ellen – it’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only one who can’t stomach the stuff.
Luau, physical ailments beyond your control kept you from not finishing that race, not an emotional block or a stomach/leg cramps. You need to check yourself-and I say this with respect and admiration. Stop doubting your abilities and see what we all see, please.
Keep the promise, you are worth more to your family (and selfishly us too) than a race.
Consider myself checked!
So sorry the race was a disappointment. I give you a lot of credit for even entering a race that goes around and around on the same track. That has to be boring.
As for Heed, by HammerNutrition, I’m so shocked your system didn’t get along with it. I hear a lot of people can’t take Poweraide but I’ve never heard of a prob. with Hammer products.
In case you want to investigate further to identify the ingredient you need to stay away from, here are the HEED ingredients: (maybe it was the Xylitol?)
Ingredients: Maltodextrin, Xylitol, Natural Flavor, Calcium Chelate, Salt, L-Carnosine, Stevia, Glycine, Magnesium Chelate, Potassium Chelate, Tyrosine, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Manganese Chelate, Chromium Polynicotinate.
By comparison, these are the Gatorade ingredients(from wiki)
water, sugar, table salt, carbohydrates, electrolytes (110 mg sodium, 30 mg potassium, 93 mg chloride), high fructose corn syrup, artificial colors, glucose, fructose, and sugar.
Thanks Joanne – a friend of mine thinks it might be the Xylitol as well…I’m thinking I may just have to go back to honey water.
Sorry to hear that! My buddy Ryan Kerrigan dropped out at 13.1. He was having issues, too. Just saw your PR lists, though, let me know when you want to run an 18:59. I’ll pace you. We can make that happen.
I am going to start looking for a 5K!!! Breaking 19 is a major goal of mine. Thanks!
You and Jess are a good team. Sounds like mutual respect and true affection!
Thanks. Those are true building blocks.
Ok, so, I don’t know squat about running (even when I did run, 13 yrs ago, I didn’t know anything!), but I DO know autism and I do know your family. Yep, you’ve got that autism pin to remind you and keep you going, etc. etc. BUT, here’s the thing…listen well bc it’s a a BIG BUT…you would NEVER force your daughter to finish something that would possibly endanger her. EVER. And I *know* you would teach both of your girls that sometimes walking away IS the right choice. So, while in your mind you DNF and there’s disappointment, in the bigger picture of the lessons you teach your children by example, you taught them it’s more important to honor your body, trust the love of your family, and hold your head up high knowing you gave your all. There is no shame in any of that.
As for the HEED stuff? The maltodextrin and xylitol are both ingredients which can cause sever inflammation, bloating, cramping (and worse!) in people with sensitivites to them. When taken together, PLUS magnesium, in large quantities such as you may have been downing, they can take down even the strongest of guts. (My son is highly sensitive to lots of saccharides so I’ve been doing tons of reading on the subject!) Definitely avoid it in the future.
Thanks! You are absolutely right…gotta practice what I would preach and if they had gone through something similar, I would have got in the middle of the track and stopped them.
I’m so sorry to hear about your race distress. I’ve had similar issues. Good job on being wise to realize the dehydration danger. I’ve learned the hard way of not listening to my body & trying to “out muscle” it. I’m still paying a high price for that decision a year ago. Proud of you.
Ouch! A year later? I hope you are on the way to full recovery.
You made a difficult choice, but you made the right choice. After all, don’t forget our shared Boston Marathon goal: don’t crap your shorts.
Proud of you for looking out for your health, and happy you’ll live to race another day.
I can say I achieved that goal so – WIN!!! Thanks for the shot of humor.
My husband is a mad keen cyclist and used HEED a few times and it had the same effect on him.Not nice.
Yeah, never again.
I love reading your posts- you are such a strong writer and you can feel your emotions in your writing. I think you made the right decision. You didn’t drop out because you just didn’t feel like running or your legs were tired, you did it because of stomach pains- something that could affect you for months. You did the right thing like your wife tweeted and you should be proud. Don’t worry that this DNF will increase the likelihood of more DNFs. I know thats not the case!!!
I think you should concentrate on shorter distances. Thats what I’m doing for now. The marathon is really hard and its easy to burn out. Running makes you a runner, marathons do not. Keep it up my friend!
Thanks Lizzy – I think you might be right about concentrating on shorter distances for a while – though there is one more marathon I may take a look at come September 11th…relatively local, relatively flat, and set up like a time-trial…very, VERY tempting. But I definitely want to improve on my 5K and 1/2 Mary times, so maybe 2012 should be the year for those.
Hey Luau. Just catching up on your race recap, and wanted to say how disappointed I am for you. Hope you get your “second chance” on 9/11, and that the next five weeks go well for you.
As for the HEED, really sorry it didn’t work out for you. I use it regularly in combination with other Hammer Nutrition products and have never had an issue with it. In fact it was one of my main fuels during the recent 24-hour endurance race. My guess would be that it didn’t sit well with the Gatorade and the high fructose corn syrup.
Good luck with your training. Chin up!
–Steve
In retrospect, you may be right Steve. The mix of the two was totally unintentional…I just didn’t realize what I was drinking.
Next time you see Ally, ask her about a half ironman event where she mixed Gatorade and Hammer gels. Not good. Live & learn I guess….
If you want to spice it up a little, you should do Rebel Race Indiana. It is a really fun mud run with obstacles like a wall climb called the Great Wall of Rebel Race. There’s another obstacle called Ninja Turtle Tunnels. Its time to relive our childhood- lol. The website is http://www.rebelrace.com
I have been wanting to do that type of race for a while now!
Luau –
I’d like to say that I am sorry that you DNF’d but I am not; rather I am so very PROUD of you for listening to your body and making the right decision. That being said, I am very sorry that you had such awful GI issues. I agree with Steve and Nik’s mom’s posts. While I love Hammer products (namely their gel & Perpetuem energy drink) I just cannot tolerate HEED or any product with fake sugars eg. xylitol etc in them. Hugh primarily uses and trains with HEED. The gatorade/Heed combo probably added to the issue. Life is about learning. You have learned that you 1) cannot tolerate HEED, 2) that you CAN make the right decision when it comes down to it, 3) that it is OKAY to DNF and that 4) you will live to run another day a wiser and more experienced athlete.
Thank you, thank you for making the right choice.
your friend,
a.
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