[tweetmeme source=”luau” only_single=false http://www.URL.com%5D
As I slipped into the pool this morning to try to implement my new effort to incorporate a complement to my running, I was momentarily distracted by the cheery singing of “ring around the rosy”. I looked up to see a group swim lesson going on with parents and toddlers. I smiled at the joy on the parents faces and the playful laughs of the little ones.
And then I cried a little.
As we come to the end of Autism Awareness Month, I can’t help but wonder, how much further along would Brooke be had I just been more aware when she was that age. Watching those parents and their children brought me back to swim lessons with Brooke. Swims lessons that were fraught with anxiety, screaming and crying. There was no joy, there were no playful laughs.
It was the beginning of an 18 month stretch where Brooke became more and more difficult to interact with.
We’ve come a long way since then. Her progress has been tremendous. But there is still a long, long way to go.
And moments like the one this morning as I slipped into the pool are tough reminders that maybe, just maybe, life would be different right now had I been more aware.
If only I had been more aware.
Had we given Brooke the therapies she needed at a much younger age, maybe her autism would not be as severe. Maybe her social interactions would not be as difficult.
This month is important. This month can save lives. Awareness can alter the course of personal history.
Please, PLEASE, don’t let Autism Awareness end with the turning of the calendar.
You just might ease the life-path of a little girl or boy and save the collective life of a family.
Run Luau Run 
Don’t beat yourself up over it. You did and continue to do the best that you can for her and that’s all that really matters.
Shoulda/coulda/woulda.. Man, can I relate. Thanks for reminding the world how important this is.
I haven’t walked in your shoes so I can’t empathize. However, I can feel the pain and guilt that resonates through this post. As a Father myself, I sympathize. You’re a loving, caring Father. Of course you would have done something if you had only known. Don’t beat yourself up over this. That guilt will only eat away at you. You are doing the best you can and that is all any can expect. Keep up the good fight!
I look back (Christian was diagnosed at 3 1/2) and think I must have had blinders on to not see the autism before that.Today is actually the second anniversary of his diagnosis and we have come so far but yes, we still have a long way to go. I agree with John though,you cant beat yourself up over it.
Doug, John and Dearna – truth is, I will beat myself up every day for the rest of my life. I know up here (points to head) that I shouldn’t, but it is here (points to heart) that I hurt just little every day. The fact is, I was the one who was in denial and had the blinders up, long after Jess’ came off.
BUT, that is not why I wrote this post. Every day, countless families receive the devastating news that their child has been diagnosed with autism. For a lot of those kids, the earlier the autism is detected, the more likely that they will be able to acquire the tools needed to mediate the debilitating effects of autism. In some cases, those brushed with milder autism can lose the diagnosis all together.
So yes, I cry at my ignorance and lack of awareness so many years ago, but the truth is that there is nothing I can do now about the events as they unfolded then other than silently apologize to my wife and to my daughters every day. It is a burden I will carry to my last breath.
My hope is that people can learn from those of us who came before, that they can learn from my denial. If there is even an inkling of what might be autism, why not check it out? Waiting can only make it worse.
Thanks again for your support. It means a lot.
Yeah, i know the feeling, but don’t feel guilt. It is good you are aware of how you felt, but now you know and accept and act to her best interest, just like you did then with the swimming lessons. I have figured that it makes a big difference, the teachers they get in school, their therapists.. We had a rough year last year because the teacher was very irresponsible not accepting her limitations and lack of knowledge with kids with Autism. They even suspended Sophie one day. We ended up transferring her to another school. This made all the difference. As soon as the new teacher saw her she told us Sophie was very anxious… As the time went by Sophie was doing better and relaxing more in school and at home. So it does make a big difference who they spend their time with. I hope you feel better. We all have days like this where we don’t find the answers, but soon the light comes out. Big hug to you and Jess 🙂
I don’t know what to say other than
(((HUG)))
As a parent, no matter what the situation, we ALL have the shouda-coulda-woulda moments. I try to remind myself that what matters is that we do the best we can at the moment; we don’t have crystal balls or “raising kids manuals”…we just love them and do, at that time, what we hope is best.
AND we make mistakes…we ALL do.
You’re an up-front, good guy, Luau!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. These things happen. You can’t change the past, so don’t dwell ob it. Keep on keeping on and life will take care of itself.
I still find myself looking at families with neurotypical children and feel green with envy, not something I am proud of, but it us the truth. We have worked tireessly for 7 years and is he better, absolutely. And I am blessed and grateful for all those who helped Aidan. Do I have regrets, yes. As I sit here and say to you, forgive yourself and let go of the burden, I realize I haven’t let go myself, that I carry a burden as well.
Know this, you are a good, kind hearted man
who has done right by his family.
Hey, Brooke is perfect the way she is now.
We can never go back but we can move forward – live and learn. Be grateful for all the joys that Brooke brings to your life.
It’s tremendous the way we have established events to promote the awareness of autism. People can no longer turn their head, but now can give support to the foundation. 2 weeks ago we had a “Walk for Autism” at the local college. It received a lot of support.
Boy Wonder could’ve been diagnosed at 9 months and that was over 5 years ago. I believe we’ve made progress with awareness.
But I’m right there with you. I will always wonder where my boy wold’ve been if he’d had intervention at 9 months and feel some level of guilt.
xoxo
Jersey
We are parents…we take it all personally. We require a perfection of ourselves that we would never expect of our children. It is a part of us from the moment those little people arrive in our world. We do the best we can, we fight for them tooth and nail when they are unable to do so for themselves. And when it all seems so so hard and we just want to curl up in a ball we get up and just do the next right thing.
you know, that i know what you mean. with that said…
xoxo.
cheers!