I sometimes wonder, what the Hell did I do? What did I do to deserve this?
Oh, Luau…the Lord moves in mysterious ways. We cannot know what his plan is. We can only have faith that he has us on the right path and that he will only put challenges in front of you that he knows you can overcome.
Yeah? Tell that to the guy who disappeared down a sinkhole last week.
Last night Jess, Brooke and I went to go see Katie in a school production of a musical. Katie had been fighting a bad cold all week, but was determined to perform. Little Brooke was even saying that she was excited to see the show. Everything was going great – Brooke was singing along, watching, keeping an eye out for Katie – yes, everything was going along just fine…that is, until it wasn’t anymore.
Just before intermission Brooke turned to me and said, this show is too long.
I hushed her and said that intermission would be soon. She then said she needed the restroom.
Fine, I thought, no problem. We slipped out of the auditorium and were back in our seats in minutes. When intermission arrived, I went to get a snack. I was gone maybe 10 minutes at most. When I returned Brooke was in full meltdown mode. She was done, cooked, finished. Jess walked her outside to try to calm her down but to no avail. About 5 minutes later she came in alone. A friend was watching Brooke in the lobby.
Can you take her home, she asked.
I sighed. I wasn’t going to get to see the second half of the show.
I wondered, what the Hel did I do? What did I do to deserve this? To be clear, this question wasn’t directed at Jess. There was no way I was going to let her miss the closing act of her baby. Those two have a bond that is beyond special, beyond your typical mother-daughter relationship. No, my question was for the Big Guy Upstairs.
What did I do?
WHAT HELL DID I DO, “LORD”???
I took little Brooke by the hand and trudged out of the school, shoulders slumped, on the edge of tears. Upon arriving home, Brooke wanted to draw. I told her one picture and then it was time for bed. I slumped to the floor feeling sorry for myself.
I again wondered to myself, what did I do to deserve this? But then it struck me. Maybe I did do something to deserve this; maybe at some point in my life I treated someone poorly or used terms that were inappropriate – who knows? It didn’t matter.
My question morphed. My thinking changed. My anger at the Petty Guy Upstairs grew.
The real question I should have been asking is What the Hell did Katie do to deserve this? Why does she have to suffer collateral damage?
She didn’t do anything to deserve this. This whole “sins of the father” crap is just that…crap! Petty, Vindictive Crap!